Trusting someone takes so much out of you. First there is the faith that they can be trusted then it is the letting go of the vision, the issue or the point. It can be exhausting! Then there is the mistakes in trusting...the ones that destroy lives, change pathways, put up walls and simply break relationships. However without trust... there cannot be relationship. So, what do you do? Do you forget the lessons of broken trust, blindly allow another person to have your trust? Do you keep a open mind and an open heart? Or do you run everything and everyone through the filter that has been created out of your broken trust?
There are some people in your lives that you trust without any hesitation. That is until the trust is broken and then it is like pushing a snowball up a hill to get that trust back. These relationships are between parents, siblings, lovers and friends. They start out so enjoyable. The words that are said all seem true, the actions are justifiable and the trust flows out like a river of life. Then something becomes unclear. A child's story just does not make sense, or a friend hasn't really achieved a success they claimed and a your love doesn't follow through with their commitment to you. What do you do here? If you are the one breaking the trust or the one who has had trust broken, you are in a quandary of decisions. Do you let it go? Do you confront the person and risk hearing the truth? Do you hold bitterness in your heart? What do you do? Then the ultimate question arises.... HOW do you ever trust them again?
Well, sometimes you will never be able to trust them again. Sometimes the brokenness cannot be rebuilt without it becoming something completely different. Kind of like taking a clay vase, breaking it adding the water of forgiveness and then creating a decorative platter or set of coffee mugs. They can still bring you pleasure and a relationship, but the original design is gone forever. If we are to have any sort of relationship we must be willing to accept the change. And in the same token, the person changing must be willing to accept that the person they broke trust with might have enough platters or coffee mugs in their lives. Maybe you were special and now you are ordinary. You are in their life, but you will never hold the same place in their heart that you once did. There becomes a mutual respect and understanding for what happened and how to move on.
Then there are the transformation's that are so amazing! You started off as a clay vase in someones life. Then the worst happened, trust was broken and your relationship is no longer the same. You both add in the creative waters of forgiveness and then the master steps in. He takes your brokenness, he takes your raw clay formed from the forgiveness and the dust of your relationship. Then he sits down at the wheel of life and creates the most amazing vessel! Sometimes these vessels come from the clay of one broken relationship that is restored, and sometimes they come from bringing the dust from one person and the dust from another altogether to mix in the clay.This vessel is then put into the fire of controversy and endures the pain from the burn the fire brings. Then it is cooled and the firing process begins again, and again and then again. You both endure the pain, the hardship that comes from walking the road to creating something so beautiful that there cannot ever be another. You are now ready for the color of life and relationship. The master paints the vessel and then it is ready to enjoy. It can be broken again if you are not careful, but both of you understand the beauty and the pain from the brokenness that you treasure your vessel together. Every little nook and cranny is precious to you. Trust is rebuilt and made new. Open minds, open hearts loving life and learning from past mistakes. Trust is earned but real deep loving trust is a gift that must be given and one that must be protected. If not, then the dust from the desolation just blows your life around without any purpose and broken vessels stay broken.
Family
Monday, July 30, 2012
Thursday, July 26, 2012
It's the WAITING...
It seems to me the hardest part of pretty much anything is the waiting game. I am not sure why they call it a game, games to me are supposed to be fun, but for whatever reason, the best things in life require the wait. This does not seem to hold true for the bad things in life though. When my mom died it seemed to be a race to the finish line. We needed the the time that waiting would have given to us, however her body just gave out at record speed. Why is this I wonder? Life just does not make sense sometimes. Accident happen quickly, relationships end with speaking just the wrong words, split second decisions can end in an amazing amount of tragedy. Yet, the good stuff in life requires this incredibly long WAIT.
What can you do in the middle of the wait? I know some people in my life that simply climb into bed and wait there. They forgo all responsibility and simply wait for what they need to come. Once it is here they climb out of bed and deal with what they were waiting for. Others fill their lives with a flurry of activity, running to and fro hoping to make the time go faster until they can SUFFER through the wait. Yet others are filled with anxiety, they talk through what they are waiting for with anyone and everyone that will listen to them. The person in the grocery store knows, the gas station attendant, all their friends are kept up to date with incremental movements. Then there are those that just do not wait at all. They just blow through the opportunity and loose out on the blessing that comes from waiting for the good things to arrive.
Do not get me wrong! I personally do not feel that you should put your life on hold and just sit on your porch with your hands in your lap patiently awaiting for the mother lode. Nor do I feel you should fill your life with distracting behaviors or activities to keep you busy. I personally have a tendency to be a little of each of the scenarios listed above. I am not one that waits very easily. Waiting for a decision to come, for a check to arrive, for a client to finish their work or to hear about a grant decision can be excruciating. Wondering how all the pieces are going to fit together can and does often keep me up at night. As I have mentioned before, this blog is for me as much as anyone, and this is an area that I am right smack in the middle of learning about. Ugh!
I know what I do not want to happen. I do not want to let the anxieties of life crowd out the peace that I can have if I just wait for the right answer to come to me. If I can keep my cool and take my life one little step at a time and wait for time to heal the wounds. If I can be patient and let the people in my life have the time that they need to come to important decisions or work at their pace, then I know that peace will be the result. Why do we put so much pressure on each other? Why do we rush head long into a decision about something without taking the time to think all the avenues through? More importantly, why do we rush ahead of God and loose out on His promise of peace? Sometimes I think in my life I give in to the pressures that are placed on me by other people, situations, relationships and just pressure I put on myself. I forget that there is a place to bring my fears while I am waiting. I run instead through the china shops of life like a crazed bull. What can I do instead? I can wait patiently, give my fears and anxieties to the Father who knows all about them anyways. I can let people in my life that choose to rush life...rush around and let their chips lie where they will. However, I can accept the peace that God has for me when I wait patiently for Him to move. The relationships, the business deals, the life and death decisions can be made better with a clarity and time.
What can you do in the middle of the wait? I know some people in my life that simply climb into bed and wait there. They forgo all responsibility and simply wait for what they need to come. Once it is here they climb out of bed and deal with what they were waiting for. Others fill their lives with a flurry of activity, running to and fro hoping to make the time go faster until they can SUFFER through the wait. Yet others are filled with anxiety, they talk through what they are waiting for with anyone and everyone that will listen to them. The person in the grocery store knows, the gas station attendant, all their friends are kept up to date with incremental movements. Then there are those that just do not wait at all. They just blow through the opportunity and loose out on the blessing that comes from waiting for the good things to arrive.
Do not get me wrong! I personally do not feel that you should put your life on hold and just sit on your porch with your hands in your lap patiently awaiting for the mother lode. Nor do I feel you should fill your life with distracting behaviors or activities to keep you busy. I personally have a tendency to be a little of each of the scenarios listed above. I am not one that waits very easily. Waiting for a decision to come, for a check to arrive, for a client to finish their work or to hear about a grant decision can be excruciating. Wondering how all the pieces are going to fit together can and does often keep me up at night. As I have mentioned before, this blog is for me as much as anyone, and this is an area that I am right smack in the middle of learning about. Ugh!
I know what I do not want to happen. I do not want to let the anxieties of life crowd out the peace that I can have if I just wait for the right answer to come to me. If I can keep my cool and take my life one little step at a time and wait for time to heal the wounds. If I can be patient and let the people in my life have the time that they need to come to important decisions or work at their pace, then I know that peace will be the result. Why do we put so much pressure on each other? Why do we rush head long into a decision about something without taking the time to think all the avenues through? More importantly, why do we rush ahead of God and loose out on His promise of peace? Sometimes I think in my life I give in to the pressures that are placed on me by other people, situations, relationships and just pressure I put on myself. I forget that there is a place to bring my fears while I am waiting. I run instead through the china shops of life like a crazed bull. What can I do instead? I can wait patiently, give my fears and anxieties to the Father who knows all about them anyways. I can let people in my life that choose to rush life...rush around and let their chips lie where they will. However, I can accept the peace that God has for me when I wait patiently for Him to move. The relationships, the business deals, the life and death decisions can be made better with a clarity and time.
Isaiah 30:18
The Message (MSG)
18But God's not finished. He's waiting around to be gracious to you.
He's gathering strength to show mercy to you.
God takes the time to do everything right—everything.
Those who wait around for him are the lucky ones.
He's gathering strength to show mercy to you.
God takes the time to do everything right—everything.
Those who wait around for him are the lucky ones.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Values and Grace
What are shared values? Are they seeing exactly the same thing, exactly the same way? What about grace? Where is grace in all of this? Do we focus on what could have happened? What could have been? Or do we look at "what is" and determine if we give grace to someone that does not share our values? There are a whole lot of shades of grey here. It is important to decide how much "shading" you want to accept in your life and then start adding the colors in. Otherwise your landscape called "life" will be simply be colorless and lifeless.
I think of values as the primary colors on the landscape of life. If you have good solid values you bring good solid colors into your life. Those that do not have good solid values often bring the darker shades, such as black. You can mix black with a color on your pallet, but what comes from that mixing? Black and more black. Sometimes just a smudge of black will create some darkness to the color, but the color itself remains. However, the more black you mix in, the closer the color comes to black and the less the color remains true to its origin. Grace is like introducing white to the color pallet. White brightens, it brings more intensity to the picture. It contrasts and it lightens. White is the only hue that can lighten black and change black, but it never completely remove black. Black is always in the picture when you introduce it. You can try to lighten it, you can try to take the focus from it, but in the end it always remains forever on the landscape.
Now what? What do we do once we have made a choice that introduces this blackness into our life? Do we ignore the introduction? Do we just pretend it never was black? Do we try and paint it as though it was a lighter color or somehow different? No. In order for us to introduce the white we first have to know that what we are looking at is indeed black and needs the introduction. We need to examine the darkness and determine just how much white is needed to lighten the darkness to a place where it is no longer the center of attention on the landscape. We need to evaluate what black has done to the other colors on the canvas and how to create contrast. We will never be able to remove the black from the other colors completely, but knowing it is there and what is needed to offset black is essential.
What is tempting is to leave our painting and to paint on the landscape of someone else. Our color pallet is dripping with color that we just can't WAIT to paint with. We take out our brush, dip it in the color, determined to remove another person's blackness, we find that our color has no effect on their canvas, with the exception of making the darkness blacker. We try again and again. We think to ourselves "This HAS to work. It always has worked for me." Then we try our white and find that again we paint more darkness on to their canvas. What is happening? How come this is coming out worse, rather then better? Isn't MY grace sufficient? We must ask ourselves, were we asked to paint on their landscape? Do we know the formulation of the paint needed? The answer is that our paints can be painted on our landscapes, but each person has their own paint set given by their Father. The Father knows each child's paint formulation and what is the formula for one may not be the formulation for another. Without permission that comes from knowing the other artist or permission from the Father, we can never paint anything but black. We can step into the role of Father or Creator, but we will never have enough grace, our efforts will never be sufficient.
Then again sometimes God gives to us each another person that has the same paints that we do. They come into our lives by His introduction. He allows us to be married and then we get to paint on each others canvas. Then for a while he allows us to paint together on the landscape of our children. However, we all still have the ability to throw large amounts of blackness on the canvas of the same landscapes that we are gifted with. As co-artists on each other's paintings we need to carefully point our the darkness and help to determine how much grace will be needed to take the focus off the dark holes in the canvas. Some of us come to each other with large amounts of blackness and the other co-artist needs to share generously their white paint of grace.
Grace is important. If it weren't for our desire to see different shades of color then grace would not be necessary. Grace is essential, and if it were not for the black we would never completely appreciate all the colors in our lives. We do not seek out the black but it is always there. We cannot make an excuse for the darkness, we cannot completely erase the darkness, we will always be adjusting our landscape to balance out the darkness; However, we should always seek out the white in our lives as it is the white, the grace, that allows for us to enjoy our landscape of life. Enjoy your life employ more grace than darkness and you will paint your landscape and the landscapes of those whom God has entrusted you with values and grace that is sufficient. Be open to other artists, be willing to wait for the approval of others, but when the time is right, then paint generously with all the colors of your rainbow and mix in a whole lot of grace.
I think of values as the primary colors on the landscape of life. If you have good solid values you bring good solid colors into your life. Those that do not have good solid values often bring the darker shades, such as black. You can mix black with a color on your pallet, but what comes from that mixing? Black and more black. Sometimes just a smudge of black will create some darkness to the color, but the color itself remains. However, the more black you mix in, the closer the color comes to black and the less the color remains true to its origin. Grace is like introducing white to the color pallet. White brightens, it brings more intensity to the picture. It contrasts and it lightens. White is the only hue that can lighten black and change black, but it never completely remove black. Black is always in the picture when you introduce it. You can try to lighten it, you can try to take the focus from it, but in the end it always remains forever on the landscape.
Now what? What do we do once we have made a choice that introduces this blackness into our life? Do we ignore the introduction? Do we just pretend it never was black? Do we try and paint it as though it was a lighter color or somehow different? No. In order for us to introduce the white we first have to know that what we are looking at is indeed black and needs the introduction. We need to examine the darkness and determine just how much white is needed to lighten the darkness to a place where it is no longer the center of attention on the landscape. We need to evaluate what black has done to the other colors on the canvas and how to create contrast. We will never be able to remove the black from the other colors completely, but knowing it is there and what is needed to offset black is essential.
What is tempting is to leave our painting and to paint on the landscape of someone else. Our color pallet is dripping with color that we just can't WAIT to paint with. We take out our brush, dip it in the color, determined to remove another person's blackness, we find that our color has no effect on their canvas, with the exception of making the darkness blacker. We try again and again. We think to ourselves "This HAS to work. It always has worked for me." Then we try our white and find that again we paint more darkness on to their canvas. What is happening? How come this is coming out worse, rather then better? Isn't MY grace sufficient? We must ask ourselves, were we asked to paint on their landscape? Do we know the formulation of the paint needed? The answer is that our paints can be painted on our landscapes, but each person has their own paint set given by their Father. The Father knows each child's paint formulation and what is the formula for one may not be the formulation for another. Without permission that comes from knowing the other artist or permission from the Father, we can never paint anything but black. We can step into the role of Father or Creator, but we will never have enough grace, our efforts will never be sufficient.
Then again sometimes God gives to us each another person that has the same paints that we do. They come into our lives by His introduction. He allows us to be married and then we get to paint on each others canvas. Then for a while he allows us to paint together on the landscape of our children. However, we all still have the ability to throw large amounts of blackness on the canvas of the same landscapes that we are gifted with. As co-artists on each other's paintings we need to carefully point our the darkness and help to determine how much grace will be needed to take the focus off the dark holes in the canvas. Some of us come to each other with large amounts of blackness and the other co-artist needs to share generously their white paint of grace.
Grace is important. If it weren't for our desire to see different shades of color then grace would not be necessary. Grace is essential, and if it were not for the black we would never completely appreciate all the colors in our lives. We do not seek out the black but it is always there. We cannot make an excuse for the darkness, we cannot completely erase the darkness, we will always be adjusting our landscape to balance out the darkness; However, we should always seek out the white in our lives as it is the white, the grace, that allows for us to enjoy our landscape of life. Enjoy your life employ more grace than darkness and you will paint your landscape and the landscapes of those whom God has entrusted you with values and grace that is sufficient. Be open to other artists, be willing to wait for the approval of others, but when the time is right, then paint generously with all the colors of your rainbow and mix in a whole lot of grace.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Getting to Focused
I struggle a whole lot with this concept of focus. I THINK I am focused. I am working in a focused manner. I am saying all the things focused people say like "I can't go out in the middle of the week because I am 'focusing' on my work," or "I would love to take the weekend off and go hiking but I am 'focusing' on organizing my closet this weekend." But often I look at what I am focusing on and find that I am moving in the WRONG direction. I never really took the time to lay out what my plan was so I did not have anything to refer back to when I got off track. It is soooo easy to get off track too. Just a little rabbit trail here and a squirrel hunt there and WHAM you are off track again. So what can we do to stay focused? Well, plan to be focused.
Planning to stay focused takes a lot of discipline and time. However, if you look at the time that you save compared to the time that you waste chasing bunnies and squirrels then you really come out ahead every time you take the time to plan. Start by looking at where you wish to be when you are all grown up. What does "all grown up" look like to you? Are you living in a little house in the woods? Or are you living on the waterfront? Do you still work in someone else's business or do you own your own business? Are you wealthy or do you live on a fixed income? What do you want GROWN UP to look like? How old are you when you are a grown up? I am 55 when I am all grown up. I live in a beautiful but modest home in the woods. I am living with my wonderful husband and we are completely debt free. We live within our means and give a ton of money away to the people we love and that God tells us to give to. We are looking at retirement and either passing down our company to a child or their spouse or possibly selling it. I am writing books full time and my husband is a motivational speaker. We live our lives a whole lot like right now in that we give the first part of our day to God and each other then we give to the other people and responsibilities This is my picture and in order for this to come true I have to put together the plan and then focus on it.
Once you know the Grown Up age and all the factors surrounding that, next you need to look at where you are today. How far away is your goals? What do you need to do in 5 years, in 3 years, in 2 years and then look at one year. Then look at what your foundation looks like. Does it need to be ripped up and put down again? Or does it just need a few cracks filled in? Then look at the "clutter" in your life. What are you tripping on all the time? Can you let it go? What would it take to do that? The key is to create an environment that fosters grown and creativity. Create a plan with room for adjustments as you go along. But have a core path that you can follow so you do not get too far off the beaten path. Most importantly... WRITE THE PLAN DOWN! A plan that is struck in your head is not a real plan. It is much to easy to abandon the plan when it is in your head. Mostly because if you are like me, there is an awful lot going on in there. The plan could get lost if I left it there. Then once the plan is down on paper or in your computer set yourself tasks to complete to get to the goals or dreams you have.
Task setting, goal setting, time management, scheduling... it all seems so huge to so many people. Well... it is huge, however it can be done. I think the most important question you have to ask yourself is " What do I have to loose?" Nothing. You can loose money, you can loose the clutter, you can loose things and trinkets, but ultimately if you plan and then you focus on the plan, if you put in the effort and are willing to make the sacrifices, then you can see your dreams come true. The best part of all this is that at the end of the day, or year or your life, you have something that you accomplished. It is worth it...getting to focused.
Planning to stay focused takes a lot of discipline and time. However, if you look at the time that you save compared to the time that you waste chasing bunnies and squirrels then you really come out ahead every time you take the time to plan. Start by looking at where you wish to be when you are all grown up. What does "all grown up" look like to you? Are you living in a little house in the woods? Or are you living on the waterfront? Do you still work in someone else's business or do you own your own business? Are you wealthy or do you live on a fixed income? What do you want GROWN UP to look like? How old are you when you are a grown up? I am 55 when I am all grown up. I live in a beautiful but modest home in the woods. I am living with my wonderful husband and we are completely debt free. We live within our means and give a ton of money away to the people we love and that God tells us to give to. We are looking at retirement and either passing down our company to a child or their spouse or possibly selling it. I am writing books full time and my husband is a motivational speaker. We live our lives a whole lot like right now in that we give the first part of our day to God and each other then we give to the other people and responsibilities This is my picture and in order for this to come true I have to put together the plan and then focus on it.
Once you know the Grown Up age and all the factors surrounding that, next you need to look at where you are today. How far away is your goals? What do you need to do in 5 years, in 3 years, in 2 years and then look at one year. Then look at what your foundation looks like. Does it need to be ripped up and put down again? Or does it just need a few cracks filled in? Then look at the "clutter" in your life. What are you tripping on all the time? Can you let it go? What would it take to do that? The key is to create an environment that fosters grown and creativity. Create a plan with room for adjustments as you go along. But have a core path that you can follow so you do not get too far off the beaten path. Most importantly... WRITE THE PLAN DOWN! A plan that is struck in your head is not a real plan. It is much to easy to abandon the plan when it is in your head. Mostly because if you are like me, there is an awful lot going on in there. The plan could get lost if I left it there. Then once the plan is down on paper or in your computer set yourself tasks to complete to get to the goals or dreams you have.
Task setting, goal setting, time management, scheduling... it all seems so huge to so many people. Well... it is huge, however it can be done. I think the most important question you have to ask yourself is " What do I have to loose?" Nothing. You can loose money, you can loose the clutter, you can loose things and trinkets, but ultimately if you plan and then you focus on the plan, if you put in the effort and are willing to make the sacrifices, then you can see your dreams come true. The best part of all this is that at the end of the day, or year or your life, you have something that you accomplished. It is worth it...getting to focused.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
The Cost of Vision....
It is hard to imagine that just thinking something can be expensive. That your time that you put forth and the effort that it takes to get even on the road to your vision isn't just "easy peasy". It should be right? After all it is YOUR vision. You are the one who had the dream. You are the one that laid it all out for the investors or for the person in charge. You were the one who started the creating and the forming. You... so why the cost factor? Well... unfortunately in business and in life everything has a cost associated to it. And vision happens to be the most expensive.
Vision requires courage. Courage requires strength of body and mind. Strength requires endurance and endurance discipline. Discipline requires that you let go of things that you cannot keep to achieve your goals. These things can be toys... like boats, cars, TV sets. They can be activities you enjoy liking watching reality TV (*BLECH*). They can be clubs or groups or a position you hold in your child's soccer booster team. The most expensive part of achieving your vision is the people that you have to cut loose. Sometimes this cut is very easy. It is a friend that drains you emotionally or financially. Sometimes it is a deeper cut though... it is someone that you dearly love, but they do not support your vision. This person can be a silent protester or they can be very vocal about your upcoming demise. You will find these people peppered all throughout your life, and if you wish to see success, you will need to cut them loose... no matter how painful. They are simply too expensive to keep on.
Be careful of how and why you are letting someone go from your life though. It is very important to analyze all the factors in your road to success and see how they are fitting in together. You do not want to let someone go in your life simply because they do not agree with your every whim and fancy. Maybe they are a voice of reason. You can look past some of their fluff and gather the seeds of knowledge. Have a frank conversation with this person and let them know how their words and actions are affecting your ability to move forward in your vision. Also, there are some people that are simply not expendable. They are your spouse or a child or a close family member. In these cases the vision is too expensive and the relationship is more precious. So be a frugal spender and saver. The true cost of your vision is what you create in the budget.
Vision is focused when it is successful. Unfocused vision is like wearing distance glasses when you need to read close up. You can move the paper as far away from your nose as you want and you STILL won't see those tiny tiny words! You can be looking to the future and FORGET your glasses. If you have vision as bad as I do you will have to rely on the kindness of others to get you through! Plan for your long term vision and your short term as well. What do you need? How much energy will you need to spend and where will this energy come from? You must sacrifice something to get something from your sacrifice. You cannot just receive something without there first being something given. This is true in all the aspects of our lives, especially in our relationship with Christ. If there had not been a sacrifice, if God had not had a long term vision, if Jesus wasn't willing to see the dream, then we would have all been lost forever. Luckily for all of mankind, this is not the case. Back to YOUR vision..... You need to understand the cost of your vision. You must investigate the need for your dream. You will have to set up a budget and then execute the cuts. Be careful. Be understanding. Be willing to hear CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Don't take to heart the things that hurt, unless the hurt moves you closer to your goals. Know going in if you can afford the cost of your vision.
Vision requires courage. Courage requires strength of body and mind. Strength requires endurance and endurance discipline. Discipline requires that you let go of things that you cannot keep to achieve your goals. These things can be toys... like boats, cars, TV sets. They can be activities you enjoy liking watching reality TV (*BLECH*). They can be clubs or groups or a position you hold in your child's soccer booster team. The most expensive part of achieving your vision is the people that you have to cut loose. Sometimes this cut is very easy. It is a friend that drains you emotionally or financially. Sometimes it is a deeper cut though... it is someone that you dearly love, but they do not support your vision. This person can be a silent protester or they can be very vocal about your upcoming demise. You will find these people peppered all throughout your life, and if you wish to see success, you will need to cut them loose... no matter how painful. They are simply too expensive to keep on.
Be careful of how and why you are letting someone go from your life though. It is very important to analyze all the factors in your road to success and see how they are fitting in together. You do not want to let someone go in your life simply because they do not agree with your every whim and fancy. Maybe they are a voice of reason. You can look past some of their fluff and gather the seeds of knowledge. Have a frank conversation with this person and let them know how their words and actions are affecting your ability to move forward in your vision. Also, there are some people that are simply not expendable. They are your spouse or a child or a close family member. In these cases the vision is too expensive and the relationship is more precious. So be a frugal spender and saver. The true cost of your vision is what you create in the budget.
Vision is focused when it is successful. Unfocused vision is like wearing distance glasses when you need to read close up. You can move the paper as far away from your nose as you want and you STILL won't see those tiny tiny words! You can be looking to the future and FORGET your glasses. If you have vision as bad as I do you will have to rely on the kindness of others to get you through! Plan for your long term vision and your short term as well. What do you need? How much energy will you need to spend and where will this energy come from? You must sacrifice something to get something from your sacrifice. You cannot just receive something without there first being something given. This is true in all the aspects of our lives, especially in our relationship with Christ. If there had not been a sacrifice, if God had not had a long term vision, if Jesus wasn't willing to see the dream, then we would have all been lost forever. Luckily for all of mankind, this is not the case. Back to YOUR vision..... You need to understand the cost of your vision. You must investigate the need for your dream. You will have to set up a budget and then execute the cuts. Be careful. Be understanding. Be willing to hear CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Don't take to heart the things that hurt, unless the hurt moves you closer to your goals. Know going in if you can afford the cost of your vision.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Relationship and Value "why"?
Good question right? Relationship in part is why you live. You were created to have relationships. Its true from infancy through teenagedom and even into beginning an adult but, will get to that later. I want to connect relationship and values to a business model that I personally am pursuing to develop and grow my business.
When a baby is born it comes into this world kicking and crying, I know this because I have 7 daughters ages 20 - 11. Their first relationship begins when they are placed in mothers arms and on through the next 3-5yrs the relationship is formed and strengthened. When your a teenager and you like a certain someone you will do almost anything to get their attention. All to say you are a thing, a couple, going out, boy friend/girl friend. We now have a relationship. Every connection you make with another human being be it good or bad, it still builds a relationship. Everyone and I mean everyone looks for approval or disapproval, positive or negative energy coming from anyone or anything in any situation.
To keep this short I'm going to switch gears and move into Values and their connection to the relationships around you.
Thank you,
Jason
When a baby is born it comes into this world kicking and crying, I know this because I have 7 daughters ages 20 - 11. Their first relationship begins when they are placed in mothers arms and on through the next 3-5yrs the relationship is formed and strengthened. When your a teenager and you like a certain someone you will do almost anything to get their attention. All to say you are a thing, a couple, going out, boy friend/girl friend. We now have a relationship. Every connection you make with another human being be it good or bad, it still builds a relationship. Everyone and I mean everyone looks for approval or disapproval, positive or negative energy coming from anyone or anything in any situation.
To keep this short I'm going to switch gears and move into Values and their connection to the relationships around you.
Thank you,
Jason
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Excellence...is not an enigma!
I was watching a reality TV. show with my girls last night about ballet dancers. Those of you who know me personally know THIS is an enigma all its own. I hate this kind of TV. show. HOWEVER, I was drawn to this show. Why I was drawn in was the commitment these dancers have to their own personal excellence. In my very limited scope of dancers, I understood them to dance into their early 20's, but that they were done by 25 or so. This is NOT the truth at all! Professional dancers start at a very young age and they work long and hard hours into their 30's and even 40's. They are strong and focused not only on their physical game but their mental game as well. Every move is calculated, each breath counted and every emotion controlled. And why are they so focused? For the moment on stage when it all makes sense. When every movement and every breath and every emotion breathes life into their very being.
You would think this commitment would be for the audience or for their choreographer or their director of their company, but it is not. It is for that one moment in time. They know once they achieve this magical place all the other parts will fall right into place. The synergy that is achieved by each dancer working to at their own personal excellence is eminent and the rest will come effortlessly. This is the true test of personal excellence.
Unfortunately we are all not ballet dancers. This is unfortunate on MANY levels for me! However, the commitment to excellence is in all of us. Excellence is internal, it is born in us and encouraged to grow by those that we surround ourselves with and that we look at for guidance. There are dancers that do not stay focused, that are not committed and they do not dance at the level of excellence of one who is. They eat poorly, complain about their feet hurting and somehow make it someone else's fault they did not get the part they trained so hard for. They rub it in another dancers face when they do get a prized part and then they depend on the rest of the dancers to create the synergy that they need to perform at their personal best. They are energy suckers. I wonder if they ever truly get to experience that moment when everything makes sense. Probably not.
Born in each of us is a talent or a dream that we desire to see come true. Maybe it is a book written or a multi-million dollar business idea. It could be a race to run or a level of achievement at work. It could be anything. But in each of us are two tracks of inner conversation. There is one that says "You should just give up. Why do you try? No one cares about your dreams, your hopes your aspirations. You are just a dreamer with a pie in the sky dream. What did you expect to happen? Did you really think you would make it this time? I thought the bloody knees from the last time you tried would have been enough for you." And then there is the one that says "You can do this. I know you just fell down again for the "nth" time, you are tired, you are bleeding, you cannot see through your tears of frustration, but you can do this. You can. Pull it together, stand up, take a moment and refocus. This time it will work. You can dream big dreams, you can see great achievements and you will have that one moment when everything makes sense." The track that you feed will be the one that survives. The voice that is strongest will be the one that directs you. Choose wisely, stay focused, work hard and be cautious of what you feed into your life. Only then can you achieve the level of excellence that makes it all make sense.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Subscribe to my Blog
I have noticed that I have LOTS of people reading my blog. This information is made available to me through Blogger. However....I do not have LOTS of people subscribing to my blog. I would love for you to subscribe. As a writer it makes me feel as though I have a real voice when I have real subscribers. So if you are my readers... please subscribe to my blog.... Thank you.
Shannon Faulkner
Shannon Faulkner
What About Endurance?
It seems as though most of our generation is pretty good with whatever comes easiest. If you are hungry... go through the drive through. If you are thirsty.... run into 7-11. If you need a car... just finance it... or get one from your parents. When we want something we want it right now and in a hurry. The same is true for business success. What do we want? Whatever makes the money the fastest and gets the easiest results. Do we care if there is a foundation? Nope! We will just go from industry to industry until we can hit the mother lode. We fail and then we give up and try to just move on. We make our failure the fault of anyone that we can. In life and in business we do not endure and in failure we do not take responsibility. Why is this?
In World War II the generation in charge where tough. They were willing to sacrifice and they could do without just fine. The best part of Sunday dinner was the food and the fellowship. Stories were retold and sisters spent the evening laughing in the kitchen. When cake or pie was not an option because of the rationing of eggs and butter, people made crisps and cobblers. Life was hard... and that is an understatement, but life was about endurance. Businesses and business owners did what they could to survive. They helped others and sacrificed to be sure. Life evolved and things got "better". We now have more options and more opportunities. But somewhere along the line we lost the ability to endure.
How can we recover endurance? Well... simply be willing to do without. "Short term pain for long term gain". Do we ever really see that as a true statement? What are you willing to endure to find real success? Does real success mean that you have everything that you want and desire? I have said before that these blogs are for me as much as for my readers. I know that endurance means sacrifice. I know that endurance means living in your current circumstances until you get through to the other side. The operative work there is live! Live in your life right where you are. Stop trying to look past today and into tomorrow. Don't look at past successes and lament on what was either. Live in today. Live for right now. Find real success in the endurance of today.
In World War II the generation in charge where tough. They were willing to sacrifice and they could do without just fine. The best part of Sunday dinner was the food and the fellowship. Stories were retold and sisters spent the evening laughing in the kitchen. When cake or pie was not an option because of the rationing of eggs and butter, people made crisps and cobblers. Life was hard... and that is an understatement, but life was about endurance. Businesses and business owners did what they could to survive. They helped others and sacrificed to be sure. Life evolved and things got "better". We now have more options and more opportunities. But somewhere along the line we lost the ability to endure.
How can we recover endurance? Well... simply be willing to do without. "Short term pain for long term gain". Do we ever really see that as a true statement? What are you willing to endure to find real success? Does real success mean that you have everything that you want and desire? I have said before that these blogs are for me as much as for my readers. I know that endurance means sacrifice. I know that endurance means living in your current circumstances until you get through to the other side. The operative work there is live! Live in your life right where you are. Stop trying to look past today and into tomorrow. Don't look at past successes and lament on what was either. Live in today. Live for right now. Find real success in the endurance of today.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Grace
Grace is interesting. We all ask for grace. We all think we are giving others grace, but do we really understand what it means to have grace? The bible says that grace means not getting something you deserve, it is a kindness born out of our love for God. It means being forgiven without ever being reminded of the offence. Sometimes I wonder if I have ever truly given grace. How many times have I said the WORDS that bring the THOUGHT of grace but do I ever really follow through with forgetting the offence?
I think if we were all to be truthful we would know that only God can give true grace to us. We can try to achieve the ability to give grace, but unless we forgive and forget, we never really achieve the goal. So then what is the point of grace? Why do we even attempt grace? Well, if I were to be truthful with all of you and with myself, I think sometimes I give grace because I am afraid what will come to me if I do not. God is pretty clear in His word about the giving of grace to others. We are not to bother with the tiny flecks and flaws in our brothers and sisters until we dig the log out of our own eyes. So to keep grace away from another person is like denying that we are human with our own human frailties. It is plain out hypocritical. So... the question remains... how do we let go of our rights to give to someone what they simply do not deserve?
I am not sure. I am human and I really mess up in this area. But when I attempt this, it is done with many tries and sometimes I just fail. But I find that if I keep failing forward, somewhere along the line I get to grace and then forgiveness comes. Grace is not a right. Grace is not easy. Grace is a gift, to those that receive it, but more so to those that give it.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
The Great Balancing Act
Anyone who is a parent and owns a business know the struggle of "The Great Balancing Act". If you are like Jason and I, this balance resembles a teeter totter. Sometimes it drops the the ground on the family side and sometimes the business side. You are getting ready for an important meeting, the kind that can make or break your goals. Then, you get a phone call. Someone has had an accident that will require medical attention. You have a project due and all of the sudden you get caught up the whirlwind that is life. You have to make a decision... do you focus on work or do you focus on family?
If only I could waive a magic wand and say a few nonsensical words, then POOF! Life would balance out, all the chaos would be brought to calm and peace would reign supreme. So, how does a business owner balance out the needs of their clients or customers and the pressing needs of a family? Well, like every other thing in life that requires focus, you must set up boundaries however, you must be willing to be flexible. Does this mean that your clients get the back seat all the time or does it mean that they get "shot gun" (slang in the Faulkner clan for sitting in the front seat)? I think that what this really means is to remember who you are and that life is messy.
If you think that you are always going to be on time to every appointment, or you think that you will never miss a track meet...ever... you will be a rugged mess and so will your family and your business too. Here are my top ten tips for balancing:
1. Have a calendar - preferably electronic- and put BOTH your family and business obligations on it.
2. Color code business/family/personal events and appointments different color blocks
3. Determine what your work hours will be and then stick to it!
4. If a family event comes up and you need to take some work time to take care of your family put the event into your calendar. Track your time and evaluate what is taking up your work hours. Maybe some changes can be made to create more of an environment of personal responsibility.
5. If a work event takes family time away, be also evaluating the events and network groups that might be affecting your family. Are they necessary? Do they bring you new business or connect you stronger and closer to your target market? If not, make the cut. Take it out of your calendar.
6. Create an environment at home and at work that can be successful. Don't overbook yourself in either area. Not only do you teach your children to overbook their lives, but you create a recipe for failure.
7. Choose a day to focus on the menial office tasks ( preferably not the weekend) and the same goes for home chores. For example, do not get in the habit of doing the laundry during work hours. Before you know it all your prime hours are being used to fold clothes! To keep this practice to a minimum determine your hourly rate and then decide if you can afford to fold clothes for $25 or $30 per hour.
8. Although it is good to carve out time for friends too, make sure that you are not supposed to be working when you go for coffee. Would you sit down in a chair visiting for 2 hours if you were working for someone else? Then don't do that to your company either.
9. Make sure you have appropriate daycare for your children during work hours. Whatever you do, do NOT bring your kids to work with you. If you own a storefront company, then not only will you annoy your staff, but you can run off your customers as well.
10. Make sure all your friends and family and children and everyone not related to work knows to call you AFTER work and not during the day. If you get a call, ignore it and then listen to the voice mail. This is difficult, and sometimes you will be chastised for it, but if you get caught up in the stuff of the day during your most productive hours, you will not find the success in business you are looking for. On the same token, make sure all your family and friends are listed in your phone so that you know not to answer work calls during personal or family time as well.
With a little organization and some firm but flexible boundaries you can set yourself up to have success in family, business and life. As with all good things, anything worth anything takes time and effort. Give the time and put in the effort, then watch your life grow.
If only I could waive a magic wand and say a few nonsensical words, then POOF! Life would balance out, all the chaos would be brought to calm and peace would reign supreme. So, how does a business owner balance out the needs of their clients or customers and the pressing needs of a family? Well, like every other thing in life that requires focus, you must set up boundaries however, you must be willing to be flexible. Does this mean that your clients get the back seat all the time or does it mean that they get "shot gun" (slang in the Faulkner clan for sitting in the front seat)? I think that what this really means is to remember who you are and that life is messy.
If you think that you are always going to be on time to every appointment, or you think that you will never miss a track meet...ever... you will be a rugged mess and so will your family and your business too. Here are my top ten tips for balancing:
1. Have a calendar - preferably electronic- and put BOTH your family and business obligations on it.
2. Color code business/family/personal events and appointments different color blocks
3. Determine what your work hours will be and then stick to it!
4. If a family event comes up and you need to take some work time to take care of your family put the event into your calendar. Track your time and evaluate what is taking up your work hours. Maybe some changes can be made to create more of an environment of personal responsibility.
5. If a work event takes family time away, be also evaluating the events and network groups that might be affecting your family. Are they necessary? Do they bring you new business or connect you stronger and closer to your target market? If not, make the cut. Take it out of your calendar.
6. Create an environment at home and at work that can be successful. Don't overbook yourself in either area. Not only do you teach your children to overbook their lives, but you create a recipe for failure.
7. Choose a day to focus on the menial office tasks ( preferably not the weekend) and the same goes for home chores. For example, do not get in the habit of doing the laundry during work hours. Before you know it all your prime hours are being used to fold clothes! To keep this practice to a minimum determine your hourly rate and then decide if you can afford to fold clothes for $25 or $30 per hour.
8. Although it is good to carve out time for friends too, make sure that you are not supposed to be working when you go for coffee. Would you sit down in a chair visiting for 2 hours if you were working for someone else? Then don't do that to your company either.
9. Make sure you have appropriate daycare for your children during work hours. Whatever you do, do NOT bring your kids to work with you. If you own a storefront company, then not only will you annoy your staff, but you can run off your customers as well.
10. Make sure all your friends and family and children and everyone not related to work knows to call you AFTER work and not during the day. If you get a call, ignore it and then listen to the voice mail. This is difficult, and sometimes you will be chastised for it, but if you get caught up in the stuff of the day during your most productive hours, you will not find the success in business you are looking for. On the same token, make sure all your family and friends are listed in your phone so that you know not to answer work calls during personal or family time as well.
With a little organization and some firm but flexible boundaries you can set yourself up to have success in family, business and life. As with all good things, anything worth anything takes time and effort. Give the time and put in the effort, then watch your life grow.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Betrayal
What is betrayal? Is it the living of a life that seems one way but then clears up to be another? Is it depending on someone and finding they are no where to be found? Is it dreaming of a business, and then during the investigative part of the process, finding that someone you trusted took your idea? What is betrayal? Is there anything you can do once you have been betrayed?
The bad news is that once you are betrayed, unless you put up safeguards for yourself you most likely will be betrayed again and again. The good news is that if you put up safeguards, you might still be betrayed, but the action will happen with your eyes wide open. Then it will be you betraying yourself. It is still betrayal. The pain has the same intensity but this time you have a choice to put yourself out there unprotected and you can welcome the pain. All in all, whether you let yourself down or someone else does... betrayal....simply put...sucks!
What is there to do once you hit the wall of pain called betrayal? Well first evaluate the situation. What actually happened? Who was involved? Who was the offender? Who did the offending? Was there really anything that could have been different in the situation? Lastly.... the most important part... and the most painful part of all... what was your part in the betrayal? Did you let this happen to yourself and for what reasons?
Most of us let ourselves be betrayed because we have a vision of life that is one of dreams and happiness. Where pain and mean people are just dark shadows lurking on the edges of the dark forest. You are in the happy valley playing with the enchanted animals of life and you cannot imaging one of those shadows coming out into your sunshine and bringing with it the cloud of darkness. You get ambushed by the forest. Ripped to shreds as you run through the forest looking for the next land of rainbows, only to find more forest and more darkness. You stop for just a moment and pray, then you get a glimpse a hint of sunlight and you move towards it. Before you know it you are in the sunshine again, only you have less rose to your sunglasses of life.
The hard part is putting in place the boundaries to keep the forest from ripping up your life. Taking a step back, evaluating the situation, listening to the people in your life who are the truth tellers. Reminding yourself about who you really are and then moving towards that person again. Know who you are so when you are derailed you know where to get back to. Betrayals will come. Don't let betrayal take from you your core...who you are.
The bad news is that once you are betrayed, unless you put up safeguards for yourself you most likely will be betrayed again and again. The good news is that if you put up safeguards, you might still be betrayed, but the action will happen with your eyes wide open. Then it will be you betraying yourself. It is still betrayal. The pain has the same intensity but this time you have a choice to put yourself out there unprotected and you can welcome the pain. All in all, whether you let yourself down or someone else does... betrayal....simply put...sucks!
What is there to do once you hit the wall of pain called betrayal? Well first evaluate the situation. What actually happened? Who was involved? Who was the offender? Who did the offending? Was there really anything that could have been different in the situation? Lastly.... the most important part... and the most painful part of all... what was your part in the betrayal? Did you let this happen to yourself and for what reasons?
Most of us let ourselves be betrayed because we have a vision of life that is one of dreams and happiness. Where pain and mean people are just dark shadows lurking on the edges of the dark forest. You are in the happy valley playing with the enchanted animals of life and you cannot imaging one of those shadows coming out into your sunshine and bringing with it the cloud of darkness. You get ambushed by the forest. Ripped to shreds as you run through the forest looking for the next land of rainbows, only to find more forest and more darkness. You stop for just a moment and pray, then you get a glimpse a hint of sunlight and you move towards it. Before you know it you are in the sunshine again, only you have less rose to your sunglasses of life.
The hard part is putting in place the boundaries to keep the forest from ripping up your life. Taking a step back, evaluating the situation, listening to the people in your life who are the truth tellers. Reminding yourself about who you really are and then moving towards that person again. Know who you are so when you are derailed you know where to get back to. Betrayals will come. Don't let betrayal take from you your core...who you are.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Are you REAL?
Last week someone told me that maybe I should be more careful about what I post on my blog. That what I say may not be very professional and could actually result in my losing new business. I thought about that good and hard. Then I sat down to try and write a more professional blog, one that is more about my industry and less personal. Then I searched the Internet and found that there are LOTS of blog entries and articles on marketing. More articles on marketing then I could ever possibly read in my whole lifetime. Do I need to write about marketing because I am a marketing consultant?
The answer to that lies in my title for this blog. Am I real? Am I being true to myself? So, to clarify in case anyone is wondering why I write the way that I do, it is because I choose to write about what makes me who I am. I have been in the business world for almost a decade, before that I was a college student and then mommy. I felt like I had a whole series of different "me's" to deal with. In college there was the "me" that had to forget I was a mom and forge on getting that term paper in by the deadline whether or not my baby was teething or I spent the night in the ER with my toddler getting stitches. When I was being"mom" I had to forget I was a young and attractive college student. Other mom's were unimpressed with my "A" in cultural anthropology and could care less of my ability to emulsify the fat from a potato chip and give the chemical equation for the process. In my business life everything was massively intensified. Enter in the shark factor and the immense desire people have to pillage and destroy new and young talent in their own pursuit of "happiness".
Over the many years of being a different person to each group of people in my life I began to feel invisible. I began to wonder if I really was anything at all? Am I really talented at anything? Can I really be successful in anything? Who the heck am I anyways? Then life happened. A bomb exploded into my life ripping and tearing it all to shreds. Everything that I new to be true was false and everything false I didn't recognize anymore. In my horror I decided to re-evaluate who I am and what I am to myself. I looked inward and found I was hiding in all of those people I was trying to become. The REAL me was in there, but I was not even sure if I knew who that person really was. So, I coaxed her out and asked her who she really wanted to be? What kind of wife? What kind of mom? What kind of business woman and what industry? Where did she want to live? What were HER dreams? She spent so many years trying to make everyone else's dreams come true, she wasn't sure she even had a dream anymore. Then it happened... she began to dream again. I began to emerge and that is when I decided some very important things about myself.
I define myself based on what I know myself to be. I have spent time getting to know the REAL me and trying to create a way to love her. I have decided I am not a mom, a wife, a business woman, a marketing constant, a christian who loves Jesus, or____________ ( fill in the blank). I am me, one person. I feel my life is an amalgam of different parts. It is more like a mosaic than a painted picture. If I ever hope to achieve anything REAL in my life I have to be true to myself and encourage others to be who God created them to be too. So, that is what I am going to do. I am going to keep writing my blog and encouraging other people to be who they are. To examine themselves and see if they can bring all the pieces together to create and to dream and to live.
The answer to that lies in my title for this blog. Am I real? Am I being true to myself? So, to clarify in case anyone is wondering why I write the way that I do, it is because I choose to write about what makes me who I am. I have been in the business world for almost a decade, before that I was a college student and then mommy. I felt like I had a whole series of different "me's" to deal with. In college there was the "me" that had to forget I was a mom and forge on getting that term paper in by the deadline whether or not my baby was teething or I spent the night in the ER with my toddler getting stitches. When I was being"mom" I had to forget I was a young and attractive college student. Other mom's were unimpressed with my "A" in cultural anthropology and could care less of my ability to emulsify the fat from a potato chip and give the chemical equation for the process. In my business life everything was massively intensified. Enter in the shark factor and the immense desire people have to pillage and destroy new and young talent in their own pursuit of "happiness".
Over the many years of being a different person to each group of people in my life I began to feel invisible. I began to wonder if I really was anything at all? Am I really talented at anything? Can I really be successful in anything? Who the heck am I anyways? Then life happened. A bomb exploded into my life ripping and tearing it all to shreds. Everything that I new to be true was false and everything false I didn't recognize anymore. In my horror I decided to re-evaluate who I am and what I am to myself. I looked inward and found I was hiding in all of those people I was trying to become. The REAL me was in there, but I was not even sure if I knew who that person really was. So, I coaxed her out and asked her who she really wanted to be? What kind of wife? What kind of mom? What kind of business woman and what industry? Where did she want to live? What were HER dreams? She spent so many years trying to make everyone else's dreams come true, she wasn't sure she even had a dream anymore. Then it happened... she began to dream again. I began to emerge and that is when I decided some very important things about myself.
I define myself based on what I know myself to be. I have spent time getting to know the REAL me and trying to create a way to love her. I have decided I am not a mom, a wife, a business woman, a marketing constant, a christian who loves Jesus, or____________ ( fill in the blank). I am me, one person. I feel my life is an amalgam of different parts. It is more like a mosaic than a painted picture. If I ever hope to achieve anything REAL in my life I have to be true to myself and encourage others to be who God created them to be too. So, that is what I am going to do. I am going to keep writing my blog and encouraging other people to be who they are. To examine themselves and see if they can bring all the pieces together to create and to dream and to live.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Changes
Changes happen whether we wish them to or not. It seems that the more I try to control the changes in my life the more my life changes and then changes and then changes. I would like to think that I can just work a little harder to keep to the distractions that come from changes at bay. If I can just schedule the changes or the results from the changes that some how I will be in the "loop" with the change makers. Not so. I couldn't keep my life from imploding with death and divorce. Just as I can't keep my children from growing up and moving away from me or friends from moving on to other relationships. Change happens weather I like it or not. So what CAN I do?
I can be flexible to change. I can be pliable and allow change to have it's way in my life. I can work to foster an environment that allows for change to come in like an old friend and less like an enemy to be avoided at all costs. I can also allow the people in my life permission to make room for their changes too. This is probably the hardest part. It is easy to say, " Hey...I am growing and changing. If you wish to be a part of my life you will accept the changes in me". And less so to say " Hey, I know you are changing as change is as normal as breathing. I give you permission to change, to move away, to have other friends, to work with another company that suits your needs better." We need to allow others to be who change is going to make them.
What do I do if someone in my life is trying to hold onto what I no longer am, who I changed from? We need to be open and honest. Kind but firm with our perception of the changes that are happening in our lives. I find that the more I change the more someone is trying to keep me the same. The same mom, the same wife, the same friend, the same business associate. There is a saying "Some people come into your lives for a reason, some for a season and some for a lifetime." In life we often have to determine who each person is in our lives and that realization can really be painful at times. In order to change in a healthy way where we accept what is happening in our lives, we must perform this duty to ourselves.
However, there are things in life that happen that you simply can never anticipate or ever come back from even remotely the same. I have experienced some real deep cuts in my life and I have bled so deeply that I thought the bleeding would never stop. The good news is that the pain did subside, some may never go away, but the bleeding has stopped. I will never be the same, I know this. Those who truly love me know this. But I would never want to go back to what I was before the pain and the change. I am a new person. I can love wider and deeper. I can understand much more and feel much more. I can empathise and sympathise. I am a new person, I can accept who I am and am more willing to bend to the changes in life.
I can be flexible to change. I can be pliable and allow change to have it's way in my life. I can work to foster an environment that allows for change to come in like an old friend and less like an enemy to be avoided at all costs. I can also allow the people in my life permission to make room for their changes too. This is probably the hardest part. It is easy to say, " Hey...I am growing and changing. If you wish to be a part of my life you will accept the changes in me". And less so to say " Hey, I know you are changing as change is as normal as breathing. I give you permission to change, to move away, to have other friends, to work with another company that suits your needs better." We need to allow others to be who change is going to make them.
What do I do if someone in my life is trying to hold onto what I no longer am, who I changed from? We need to be open and honest. Kind but firm with our perception of the changes that are happening in our lives. I find that the more I change the more someone is trying to keep me the same. The same mom, the same wife, the same friend, the same business associate. There is a saying "Some people come into your lives for a reason, some for a season and some for a lifetime." In life we often have to determine who each person is in our lives and that realization can really be painful at times. In order to change in a healthy way where we accept what is happening in our lives, we must perform this duty to ourselves.
However, there are things in life that happen that you simply can never anticipate or ever come back from even remotely the same. I have experienced some real deep cuts in my life and I have bled so deeply that I thought the bleeding would never stop. The good news is that the pain did subside, some may never go away, but the bleeding has stopped. I will never be the same, I know this. Those who truly love me know this. But I would never want to go back to what I was before the pain and the change. I am a new person. I can love wider and deeper. I can understand much more and feel much more. I can empathise and sympathise. I am a new person, I can accept who I am and am more willing to bend to the changes in life.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Can you have a dream? Really have a dream?
Dreams are crazy things. They require quite a bit to create them and even more to achieve them. They are exhausting! The hardest part of dreaming is when you think they cannot come true. What kind of dreams have you had? Recording an amazing album? Writing a top selling novel? Seeing all of your children graduate from high school and then college? How about traveling the world! Meeting the love of your life and then creating a business that helps other businesses grow and achieve dreams of their own! These are just a few of my dreams. Parts of them have been realized. Some of them are simply no longer dreams of mine... or are they? Hmmmmm.....what am I willing to do to achieve my goals?
Well.. my favorite quote is " A goal is a dream with a deadline" from Napoleon Hill. How do you make a dream a reality? I am not sure to be honest with you. Most of these blogs I write are for myself. To encourage me to look deeper and wider and grow stronger. I hope in the midst of my growing you will too... but I digress. Dreams...How do you step from dream to goal with a deadline and then be able to say you achieved your dreams? Well....hmmmmm....again what am I willing to do to achieve these goals?
Take my first goal...recording an album. I have recorded music...and I have recorded 5 songs on a CD with a group I was in. Did I achieve my goal? Does all dreams have to be huge? Most of the people who have heard the album I recorded with my group "Beyond the Walls" loved it. It was not for resale and used strictly as a promotional item to be able to sing new places. This led me to another band "DeProgrammed", a gospel funk band ( I was the only...light girl... they called me the "angel"... another story for another day...). We recorded an original song that was AMAZING! I loved it. I loved recording it. Did I achieve my dream?
Then what about the novel? I have one completely written. However... it is sitting in my computer and on my external hard drive waiting for a friend to edit it. It has been waiting for this friend for one full year. Is it my friend's fault it is not on it's way to a publisher? OR is it my fault for not encouraging my friend or maybe writing a letter of inquiry anyways... even though it is not edited? Do I have a timeline for this dream? Have I made it a goal yet?
I have watched two of my children graduate from high school and I have 5 more to go. One child will be attending college this fall. I am married to the most AMAZING man ever. Jason is my prince and he is the love of my life. We are building a business and THIS dream does have a deadline. It has a business plan and a marketing plan and a plan plan. This dream is now a goal and we most certainly have a deadline. Is this dream any more or less of a dream than the other ones? The best part of dreaming is being the keeper of the keys to the dream. YOU are the keeper of your KEYS to your dreams.
The answer is all my dreams have become goals but all my goals do not have deadlines, so I may or may not achieve these dreams. However, I can ALWAYS dream. I can STRIVE to achieve and then WORK like crazy to see these dreams come true. YOU can too. You CAN dream. You can see your DREAMS become goals and then see your dreams come TRUE. What do you do though? Make a deadline for these dreams. Dust off your manuscript, create a dream board and put it over your desk. Cut out sayings and save your fortune cookie fortunes. Cut out magazine articles and follow successful people in your field. Be a doer and not just a dreamer. Your DREAMS will come TRUE once YOU decide to PURSUE (them).
Well.. my favorite quote is " A goal is a dream with a deadline" from Napoleon Hill. How do you make a dream a reality? I am not sure to be honest with you. Most of these blogs I write are for myself. To encourage me to look deeper and wider and grow stronger. I hope in the midst of my growing you will too... but I digress. Dreams...How do you step from dream to goal with a deadline and then be able to say you achieved your dreams? Well....hmmmmm....again what am I willing to do to achieve these goals?
Take my first goal...recording an album. I have recorded music...and I have recorded 5 songs on a CD with a group I was in. Did I achieve my goal? Does all dreams have to be huge? Most of the people who have heard the album I recorded with my group "Beyond the Walls" loved it. It was not for resale and used strictly as a promotional item to be able to sing new places. This led me to another band "DeProgrammed", a gospel funk band ( I was the only...light girl... they called me the "angel"... another story for another day...). We recorded an original song that was AMAZING! I loved it. I loved recording it. Did I achieve my dream?
Then what about the novel? I have one completely written. However... it is sitting in my computer and on my external hard drive waiting for a friend to edit it. It has been waiting for this friend for one full year. Is it my friend's fault it is not on it's way to a publisher? OR is it my fault for not encouraging my friend or maybe writing a letter of inquiry anyways... even though it is not edited? Do I have a timeline for this dream? Have I made it a goal yet?
I have watched two of my children graduate from high school and I have 5 more to go. One child will be attending college this fall. I am married to the most AMAZING man ever. Jason is my prince and he is the love of my life. We are building a business and THIS dream does have a deadline. It has a business plan and a marketing plan and a plan plan. This dream is now a goal and we most certainly have a deadline. Is this dream any more or less of a dream than the other ones? The best part of dreaming is being the keeper of the keys to the dream. YOU are the keeper of your KEYS to your dreams.
The answer is all my dreams have become goals but all my goals do not have deadlines, so I may or may not achieve these dreams. However, I can ALWAYS dream. I can STRIVE to achieve and then WORK like crazy to see these dreams come true. YOU can too. You CAN dream. You can see your DREAMS become goals and then see your dreams come TRUE. What do you do though? Make a deadline for these dreams. Dust off your manuscript, create a dream board and put it over your desk. Cut out sayings and save your fortune cookie fortunes. Cut out magazine articles and follow successful people in your field. Be a doer and not just a dreamer. Your DREAMS will come TRUE once YOU decide to PURSUE (them).
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Pain
Pain. Who likes pain? There are those who profess to like pain. They endure pain like a badge of honor and talk of pain as though it is nothing more than a minor annoyance. But if you were to strip away all the facade what would you really find? Well, without their willingness to work through the pain one can never be sure what is truly behind it all, but I have an idea it began a long time ago.
In my life pain has been a staple. It was my childhood companion, it followed me into my tween and teen years. It accompanied me into my first marriage and all though the childhoods of my children. It was a weed rooted deep into my soul, blooming and throwing its many seeds into the lives of the others that surround me. I cannot really remember the beginnings of it, what the circumstances that surrounded it's inception, but most likely I was in the line of fire of another person's seed pod of pain.
What I have learned about pain is that no matter how much of it I endure, there is always more to come. When I think that life is going well and there are just rainbows and unicorns playing in my field of dreams, you can bet pain is there lurking around with his buddy despair just waiting to prick my balloon and rain all over my parade. Now if you were thinking... whew... that sure is a lot of idiomatic expressions all in one sentence... (I simply cannot help it... I love them to be sure!) and you are now so depressed that you cannot imagine how you will manage your life today... you now understand what it is like to feel pain. There is some silver left yet in the cloud! ( You guessed it...another idiom). With pain comes understanding. With understanding comes action.
What can you do about pain? Is there anything at all? First, you need to understand what happened to bring you such pain. This is the hard part. Most people do not really want to revisit the events that brought the pain in the first place. They start down the path, then they get a glimpse of what it was and then they run like crazy away from it again leaving the path to sit there waiting for another brave moment in time. It is the first step to getting through to face your pain in the fullness of it. Once you have an understanding of pain and what happened to bring you so much of it, then it's time for action. You now know what caused the pain so the obvious action is.... stop doing what causes pain. Easier said then done. I know. Another simple yet crazy hard action... let the pain go. Quit playing with pain. Quit dating pain. Quit living with pain.
When I am in pain, and I am a normal human and actually this blog today is for me, I try to do all that I mentioned above. I examine my pain, I understand what brought me to the pain and then I do all that I can to get rid of it and stop whatever I am involved in that brings me pain. But before any of this can happen, I get on my knees and I offer up the yucky mess that pain has brought into my life to my Abba Daddy, my Father God. I tell him how much I hate what is happening. I ask for help from Him, and if I am at all intelligent, I wait for Him to ease my pain. I am not always successful in this and sometimes I sneak right back up when I think He might not be looking and I pull that pain right out of His hands. He is a gentle Father and so He lets me have it back if I am truly not ready to give it up to Him. But if I want real relief I let it go and let Him fling it "as far as the east is from the west". So, what about you? Do you want relief from your pain? Or do you wish to keep playing in the mud of life?
Shannon Faulkner
In my life pain has been a staple. It was my childhood companion, it followed me into my tween and teen years. It accompanied me into my first marriage and all though the childhoods of my children. It was a weed rooted deep into my soul, blooming and throwing its many seeds into the lives of the others that surround me. I cannot really remember the beginnings of it, what the circumstances that surrounded it's inception, but most likely I was in the line of fire of another person's seed pod of pain.
What I have learned about pain is that no matter how much of it I endure, there is always more to come. When I think that life is going well and there are just rainbows and unicorns playing in my field of dreams, you can bet pain is there lurking around with his buddy despair just waiting to prick my balloon and rain all over my parade. Now if you were thinking... whew... that sure is a lot of idiomatic expressions all in one sentence... (I simply cannot help it... I love them to be sure!) and you are now so depressed that you cannot imagine how you will manage your life today... you now understand what it is like to feel pain. There is some silver left yet in the cloud! ( You guessed it...another idiom). With pain comes understanding. With understanding comes action.
What can you do about pain? Is there anything at all? First, you need to understand what happened to bring you such pain. This is the hard part. Most people do not really want to revisit the events that brought the pain in the first place. They start down the path, then they get a glimpse of what it was and then they run like crazy away from it again leaving the path to sit there waiting for another brave moment in time. It is the first step to getting through to face your pain in the fullness of it. Once you have an understanding of pain and what happened to bring you so much of it, then it's time for action. You now know what caused the pain so the obvious action is.... stop doing what causes pain. Easier said then done. I know. Another simple yet crazy hard action... let the pain go. Quit playing with pain. Quit dating pain. Quit living with pain.
When I am in pain, and I am a normal human and actually this blog today is for me, I try to do all that I mentioned above. I examine my pain, I understand what brought me to the pain and then I do all that I can to get rid of it and stop whatever I am involved in that brings me pain. But before any of this can happen, I get on my knees and I offer up the yucky mess that pain has brought into my life to my Abba Daddy, my Father God. I tell him how much I hate what is happening. I ask for help from Him, and if I am at all intelligent, I wait for Him to ease my pain. I am not always successful in this and sometimes I sneak right back up when I think He might not be looking and I pull that pain right out of His hands. He is a gentle Father and so He lets me have it back if I am truly not ready to give it up to Him. But if I want real relief I let it go and let Him fling it "as far as the east is from the west". So, what about you? Do you want relief from your pain? Or do you wish to keep playing in the mud of life?
Shannon Faulkner
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Dissappointment
Have you ever been so excited about something, anticipated the day, waiting patiently by the mail box and then when everything comes to be, you are left sorely disappointed. Your hopes are dashed your life feels unstable and you simply cannot imagine how things could have gone more wrong. What is one to do when life disappoints you so desperately? You know there is quite a wait and quite a mess to clean up, but you simply are not sure how this is going to happen.
Some people in my life put their life on hold until the resolution can be seen. They cancel their appointments, they wait at home for the answer. They don't answer the door or the phone or return e-mails until they can make the bad stuff all go away. Some people make lists. They are systematic about everything. They make plans of action and attack the issue of disappointment like they would the attic or the garage for spring cleaning. Then some people go on a rampage of anger. They make their disappointment everyone else's fault and responsibility to clean up. They make excuses for why it happened, and how it happened and who was responsible for the happening. They ruin relationships. They destroy business plans. They needlessly fire employees or treat them with such abuse that they just quit.
Then there are the people who I love in my life. They take a step back. They look at what happened and grieve the pain that comes from the disappointment in their life. They find out what went wrong and then they try to see if there is a solution by asking people for help understanding the circumstances surrounding the loss of their hope or dream. They do not let the people who are truly responsible get out from underneath their own part in the problem, but they do not nail them to the wall either. They are generous and gracious because that is just who they are. They plan for their return from the disappointment and are hopeful for the future and the new dreams they get to dream.
I do not have many people like this in my life, but I do have a few very special ones and they know just who they are. However, I do have many of the other people in my life. I have even found myself embodying these actions when I am in the midst of great disappointment. I forget who I really am and I go to a very dark place that is hard to get out of. So, you may wonder how do you move from being an ostrich, a neurotic chihuahua or a raging.... bull to a rising phoenix? There is really only one way and that is though prayer and faith. Knowing that God will bring the right people and the right opportunity to bring resolution. So, don't give up on your dreams because you experience disappointment, bring those pains to the Father and know He will return to you an unending well of joy for your temporary valley of hurt and disappointment. Disappointment will come like a full moon, but so will the dawn of a new day.
Shannon Faulkner
Some people in my life put their life on hold until the resolution can be seen. They cancel their appointments, they wait at home for the answer. They don't answer the door or the phone or return e-mails until they can make the bad stuff all go away. Some people make lists. They are systematic about everything. They make plans of action and attack the issue of disappointment like they would the attic or the garage for spring cleaning. Then some people go on a rampage of anger. They make their disappointment everyone else's fault and responsibility to clean up. They make excuses for why it happened, and how it happened and who was responsible for the happening. They ruin relationships. They destroy business plans. They needlessly fire employees or treat them with such abuse that they just quit.
Then there are the people who I love in my life. They take a step back. They look at what happened and grieve the pain that comes from the disappointment in their life. They find out what went wrong and then they try to see if there is a solution by asking people for help understanding the circumstances surrounding the loss of their hope or dream. They do not let the people who are truly responsible get out from underneath their own part in the problem, but they do not nail them to the wall either. They are generous and gracious because that is just who they are. They plan for their return from the disappointment and are hopeful for the future and the new dreams they get to dream.
I do not have many people like this in my life, but I do have a few very special ones and they know just who they are. However, I do have many of the other people in my life. I have even found myself embodying these actions when I am in the midst of great disappointment. I forget who I really am and I go to a very dark place that is hard to get out of. So, you may wonder how do you move from being an ostrich, a neurotic chihuahua or a raging.... bull to a rising phoenix? There is really only one way and that is though prayer and faith. Knowing that God will bring the right people and the right opportunity to bring resolution. So, don't give up on your dreams because you experience disappointment, bring those pains to the Father and know He will return to you an unending well of joy for your temporary valley of hurt and disappointment. Disappointment will come like a full moon, but so will the dawn of a new day.
Shannon Faulkner
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Loyalty and Commitment
Loyalty and commitment are like peas and carrots. One is green and the other is orange. One is a primary response and the other is a secondary one. But which comes first? It's kind of like the chicken and the egg thing. Does commitment come from a sense of loyalty or does loyalty come from first committing to something? I think this is a subject that can be debated for years. For the sake of our limited time however, I will just write for a few minutes on this subject.
Loyalty is devotion, faithfulness and faith. Commitment is an obligation, an engagement or an undertaking. So what does all of this mean? Are we committed to our faith? Are we loyal to an obligation or engagement? If so, why are so many people falling out of love or forgoing their faith in God and humanity? Let's bring it in even closer to home, what makes us committed to our families and our businesses? Why do we give up just short of the finish line at times? Why don't we try just one more time to make something work?
I think part of the problem is that some of our commitments and loyalties depend on someone else to be on board with us. In a marriage it takes two, in a family it takes a village and in our businesses it takes a city. We need people to understand us and to see our vision. We need people to recognize us. To be committed to our brand and see the big picture in our dreams. We cannot live life all alone without a purpose or without a plan, or any sort of focus. Living life this way makes it difficult to translate our dreams into reality or give our clients or customers something to be committed to or loyal about.
Now the question is, do you have a business or a life that others can be committed to? Do you run your business in a way that develops loyalty? If not, re-evaluate what you are doing. Find a person that is living a life that encourages loyalty and commitment, ask them to look over what you are doing and see if there are areas of concern. Take the information and formulate a plan to overcome the issues that you are experiencing that keep you from achieving your goals.
One more question: Do you want a business or life that others can be committed to? If you cannot commit to your own life, or be loyal in your own relationships, whether they are business or personal, how can you possibly expect someone else to see your vision? The answer is that they can't and they won't. You will get just a few short seconds to attract someones attention, then you have just a few short days to reconnect the dots for them, and then a few short months to prove that you can do what you say you can do. To build commitment and loyalty in your life and in your business takes your own commitment to your goal and loyalty to your faith to achieve the goal, to see the dream become a reality.
Peas or carrots? Loyalty or commitment? The answer is that they are both essential and neither is really any good without the other.
Loyalty is devotion, faithfulness and faith. Commitment is an obligation, an engagement or an undertaking. So what does all of this mean? Are we committed to our faith? Are we loyal to an obligation or engagement? If so, why are so many people falling out of love or forgoing their faith in God and humanity? Let's bring it in even closer to home, what makes us committed to our families and our businesses? Why do we give up just short of the finish line at times? Why don't we try just one more time to make something work?
I think part of the problem is that some of our commitments and loyalties depend on someone else to be on board with us. In a marriage it takes two, in a family it takes a village and in our businesses it takes a city. We need people to understand us and to see our vision. We need people to recognize us. To be committed to our brand and see the big picture in our dreams. We cannot live life all alone without a purpose or without a plan, or any sort of focus. Living life this way makes it difficult to translate our dreams into reality or give our clients or customers something to be committed to or loyal about.
Now the question is, do you have a business or a life that others can be committed to? Do you run your business in a way that develops loyalty? If not, re-evaluate what you are doing. Find a person that is living a life that encourages loyalty and commitment, ask them to look over what you are doing and see if there are areas of concern. Take the information and formulate a plan to overcome the issues that you are experiencing that keep you from achieving your goals.
One more question: Do you want a business or life that others can be committed to? If you cannot commit to your own life, or be loyal in your own relationships, whether they are business or personal, how can you possibly expect someone else to see your vision? The answer is that they can't and they won't. You will get just a few short seconds to attract someones attention, then you have just a few short days to reconnect the dots for them, and then a few short months to prove that you can do what you say you can do. To build commitment and loyalty in your life and in your business takes your own commitment to your goal and loyalty to your faith to achieve the goal, to see the dream become a reality.
Peas or carrots? Loyalty or commitment? The answer is that they are both essential and neither is really any good without the other.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Kasaundra Arleta Kincaid
Today, nineteen years ago, was the day I found out what it was like to actually give birth to a baby. I knew what it was like to be someones mom, I already had one adopted child, but I had never experienced the sacred event that separates those who know and those who don't know. To be honest with you, I was really plain out scared. I heard all the stories. You know the ones, in labor for 10 years, broken ribs, broken collar bones, ripped... well... let's just say areas of real concern. I was told to breathe and to focus. I was told to drink water and eat before I went in. I was told not to eat or drink anything after I went in, ice chips only. I was given the 411 from every mama that I came into contact with, almost from her conception. It seems as though it is a rite of passage to listen to the horrors of what to expect in child birth. Before labor began the thing I was most afraid of? My water breaking. I was afraid of being somewhere and getting caught with wet pants. Funny that wet pants was my most feared part of the whole labor process.
When I adopted my daughter Mariah Lynn, my mom told me to wear a full piece bathing suit when we went to the lake. Of course, what daughter listens to their mother when they talk of things like bathing suits, so I went my first time in a string bikini. After all I was going to spend my afternoon playing with my baby girl Mariah and tanning while she napped in the shade. Results... nobody but my mother talked to me. Pretty much every other mother was in a bathing suit that covered their battle scars from child birth. I, on the other hand, had not actually given birth yet, so I was a size three and very, very firm still. Not a stretchmark to be seen... anywhere. Let me be very clear on one thing though, child birth did not make me feel like more of a mom. I was very much a mom, the bags under my eyes said it all. And the aroma from my clothing of formula and baby powder was also a tale tell sign. I no longer had a little cute Mundi purse with just my keys, lipgloss and wallet. I had a mondo bag with diapers, formula, baby wipes, snacks and extra clothes... for Mariah AND me. Giving birth did not make me a mom, but it did give me a front row seat in the "mom's who gave birth" club.
The day I went in to have my daughter, I began the journey that all birth moms for centuries have gone down. It begins so sweet. A little stirring and then some pressure. Your body begins to look really weird and you can no longer stand up tall. Instead you are a little hunched over and feel the urge to hold your tummy tight. You are excited about the baby you will hold in your arms. You are anticipating the pain everyone says is to come, and in my case, the water that will surely come at the wrong moment! The pain starts getting more and more painful. The air is tense and people start to look at you with pained expressions, leaving me to believe that I am on the direct path to Drama Mama. These pains can be "blown away" like steam on a soup bowl with the right technique. That is what birth classes were for after all. Then the pain gets more and more intense. The contractions start rolling one after another after another until blowing the stream off the soup resembles blowing the soup clean out of the bowl. You being to moan and cry. Tears stream involuntarily down your face and panic begins to set in as you wonder if this is ever going to end, this place where you have no control. In my case, this is where my mom stepped in. "Shannon, you are going to be OK." Ahhhh the soothing sounds of my mom when I am in pain. Now the world makes sense again.
The pain gets harder and harder to endure. The pains grow more and more intense. The end does not seems to have an end and you feel like you are in a dark hole with just pain and more pain. Then the pressure begins to build. The baby decides that it is now time, time to greet the world. You are put into another very uncomfortable position, knees bent, pelvis touching your feet. You push harder and harder, everyone chanting right along with you, your mom on one side with tears streaming down her cheeks with fear, eyes bright with excitement. You take her cue, and forget the pain, you visualize how beautiful your baby is going to be and this gets you to finish this incredible race to bring life. Then once more and out comes the most beautiful expression of love that there could ever be. The sound that fills the room of the baby crying, of you crying and of your family's great love for this little being is overwhelming. Then the little bundle of sweetness is placed in your arms.
You look at all her toes, you kiss all her fingers, you run your lips over her sweet little baby hair. She opens her little baby girl eyes and you cannot tear yourself away from her. You are exhausted and your baby must be looked at by the doctor, so you reluctantly let go. You crash from exhaustion and then anticipate the moment that you get to hold that little baby again. This is the part that never goes away. The holding your life's breath in your arms. Desiring her in your day and in your every moment of life. Seeing her live life and know that for a moment, you held her closer then anyone could ever hold her. You held that girl under your heart for nine months, then spend your whole life holding her in your heart.
Life as a mother is an amazing way to live. Becoming Kasaundra Arleta Kincaid's mom is one I will never forget. I love you Kasi....
Mom
When I adopted my daughter Mariah Lynn, my mom told me to wear a full piece bathing suit when we went to the lake. Of course, what daughter listens to their mother when they talk of things like bathing suits, so I went my first time in a string bikini. After all I was going to spend my afternoon playing with my baby girl Mariah and tanning while she napped in the shade. Results... nobody but my mother talked to me. Pretty much every other mother was in a bathing suit that covered their battle scars from child birth. I, on the other hand, had not actually given birth yet, so I was a size three and very, very firm still. Not a stretchmark to be seen... anywhere. Let me be very clear on one thing though, child birth did not make me feel like more of a mom. I was very much a mom, the bags under my eyes said it all. And the aroma from my clothing of formula and baby powder was also a tale tell sign. I no longer had a little cute Mundi purse with just my keys, lipgloss and wallet. I had a mondo bag with diapers, formula, baby wipes, snacks and extra clothes... for Mariah AND me. Giving birth did not make me a mom, but it did give me a front row seat in the "mom's who gave birth" club.
The day I went in to have my daughter, I began the journey that all birth moms for centuries have gone down. It begins so sweet. A little stirring and then some pressure. Your body begins to look really weird and you can no longer stand up tall. Instead you are a little hunched over and feel the urge to hold your tummy tight. You are excited about the baby you will hold in your arms. You are anticipating the pain everyone says is to come, and in my case, the water that will surely come at the wrong moment! The pain starts getting more and more painful. The air is tense and people start to look at you with pained expressions, leaving me to believe that I am on the direct path to Drama Mama. These pains can be "blown away" like steam on a soup bowl with the right technique. That is what birth classes were for after all. Then the pain gets more and more intense. The contractions start rolling one after another after another until blowing the stream off the soup resembles blowing the soup clean out of the bowl. You being to moan and cry. Tears stream involuntarily down your face and panic begins to set in as you wonder if this is ever going to end, this place where you have no control. In my case, this is where my mom stepped in. "Shannon, you are going to be OK." Ahhhh the soothing sounds of my mom when I am in pain. Now the world makes sense again.
The pain gets harder and harder to endure. The pains grow more and more intense. The end does not seems to have an end and you feel like you are in a dark hole with just pain and more pain. Then the pressure begins to build. The baby decides that it is now time, time to greet the world. You are put into another very uncomfortable position, knees bent, pelvis touching your feet. You push harder and harder, everyone chanting right along with you, your mom on one side with tears streaming down her cheeks with fear, eyes bright with excitement. You take her cue, and forget the pain, you visualize how beautiful your baby is going to be and this gets you to finish this incredible race to bring life. Then once more and out comes the most beautiful expression of love that there could ever be. The sound that fills the room of the baby crying, of you crying and of your family's great love for this little being is overwhelming. Then the little bundle of sweetness is placed in your arms.
You look at all her toes, you kiss all her fingers, you run your lips over her sweet little baby hair. She opens her little baby girl eyes and you cannot tear yourself away from her. You are exhausted and your baby must be looked at by the doctor, so you reluctantly let go. You crash from exhaustion and then anticipate the moment that you get to hold that little baby again. This is the part that never goes away. The holding your life's breath in your arms. Desiring her in your day and in your every moment of life. Seeing her live life and know that for a moment, you held her closer then anyone could ever hold her. You held that girl under your heart for nine months, then spend your whole life holding her in your heart.
Life as a mother is an amazing way to live. Becoming Kasaundra Arleta Kincaid's mom is one I will never forget. I love you Kasi....
Mom
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Expectations...
Have you ever spent time with someone or worked on something that you feel is amazing and then WHAM! You get hit with expectations. Expectations of the person, expectations of the project, expectations of yourself. then life steps into the picture. Time stealer's come in and take from you the time needed to meet the expectations. Your mind becomes numb and your body begins to shut down from the weight of all the expectations. What do you do? How do you get out of the crazy cycle, the one where you try and fail, then try and fail, then try again. When do you ever get to meet the expectations and stop the perpetuation of failing those you love the most, or being failed by those who you love the most? Well, again... the work is on you.
I think the most important part of this life that we live is to ask ourselves if we are meeting the expectations the we set for ourselves. Are we managing our time efficiently, are we addressing issues as they come up? Or are we ignoring the work of forward momentum. I think again, that there are decisions to be made that can affect you positively or negatively and the best part of all of this is that we have the freedom to make the choice. Once you set a standard for yourself and determine that your goals are attainable you can set your boundaries. Yes.... I said the "b" word. Boundaries. What are they for you? Well, what are your expectations for your life? Start there.
There will always be people in your life without their own standards, goals, dreams or expectations. There will always be those that do have standards, goals, dreams and expectations that simply have boundaries that do not fit within your own personal or business guidelines... boundaries. So what do you do? Look at the big picture, and then determine what needs to be done, said or conveyed to keep yourself moving foreword. This does not, however, give to you a licence to ignore other people's boundaries and tromp all over someone else to complete your own agenda. You still need to care about other people, but, if you cannot meet the expectations that you set for yourself and if you cannot keep yourself focused on your place in life, you will never be able to meet the expectations of others. Also, if you have big unrealistic expectations of something or someone, you will live a life of disappointment. This is when optimists become pessimist. Not a pretty picture.
So, what to do? What to do? Reach in, dig deep, take a hold, research what is possible, set your standards, know who you are and what you can achieve. Let other people off the hook, and then let yourself off the hook.
I think the most important part of this life that we live is to ask ourselves if we are meeting the expectations the we set for ourselves. Are we managing our time efficiently, are we addressing issues as they come up? Or are we ignoring the work of forward momentum. I think again, that there are decisions to be made that can affect you positively or negatively and the best part of all of this is that we have the freedom to make the choice. Once you set a standard for yourself and determine that your goals are attainable you can set your boundaries. Yes.... I said the "b" word. Boundaries. What are they for you? Well, what are your expectations for your life? Start there.
There will always be people in your life without their own standards, goals, dreams or expectations. There will always be those that do have standards, goals, dreams and expectations that simply have boundaries that do not fit within your own personal or business guidelines... boundaries. So what do you do? Look at the big picture, and then determine what needs to be done, said or conveyed to keep yourself moving foreword. This does not, however, give to you a licence to ignore other people's boundaries and tromp all over someone else to complete your own agenda. You still need to care about other people, but, if you cannot meet the expectations that you set for yourself and if you cannot keep yourself focused on your place in life, you will never be able to meet the expectations of others. Also, if you have big unrealistic expectations of something or someone, you will live a life of disappointment. This is when optimists become pessimist. Not a pretty picture.
So, what to do? What to do? Reach in, dig deep, take a hold, research what is possible, set your standards, know who you are and what you can achieve. Let other people off the hook, and then let yourself off the hook.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Taking Responsibility
As you all I know Jason and I have 7 girls that we are raising. Three are not living with us, but we do have three 7th graders and a 4th grader living at home here in our sweet little house in the woods. Well, today went a little like this:
"Where are my grey pants?" (Child #1)
"Child #2 borrowed them last." (Child #3)
"NO! Child #3 wore them after I did (unlaundered of course, after all these are 7th graders)." (Child #2)
"That is SOOOOO not true! I put them on the floor right over there by the big pile of other clothes that I have not washed in two weeks and do not foresee the washing of them for several more weeks as they do not smell just yet. (Some of that last part was a combination of artistic expression and parental angst) (Child #3)
"Hey! I'll bet Child #4 took them!" (Child #1)
"Yes! I think I saw her wearing them after I did and Child #3." (Child #2)
"Yep! That is true, I saw her wearing them. MOMMMMMM!" (Child #3)
"What's going on?" (Mom)
The very important story unfolds with much frustration and indignation towards child #4.
"Well, let's ask child #4. Where is child #4?" (Mom)
"Oh, she is still in bed." (Child #1)
Of course the alarm has been going off and said child #4 is still in bed 30 minutes after she should be up.
So, that was quite the intro to "Taking Responsibility" and you might be asking yourself "What does a pair of grey size 1 pants have to do with me?" Nothing. It really has nothing to do with you, it is just a representation of the origination of our own inability to take responsibility for our own stuff. If you substitute cream boots or a curling iron, you will have the Grisham/Andrews household 25 years ago. Responsibility and taking ownership of your stuff is a really hard lesson to face and one that many people just have not learned. However, I can remember from a very young age having this lesson repeated time and time again. I have lost much to my inability to take responsibility for my actions, words and... well things I am responsible for.
As a business owner we have a whole lot of responsibilities, sometimes too many to handle. At times I feel as though I am in a boat with my husband and as soon as one leak is fixed there is another one and then another one until one of us is bailing water while the other is working to fix the leak. We find this in both business and family responsibilities. You look ahead on the horizon and you cannot even see land in the far distance. So, you have a choice, stop working, stop trying, and just sink. Or, you can keep trying, row when you can, bail out the waters of life when you need to and pray like anything what you have in your boat is enough to fix the leak. But never think for a moment that you are not responsible for your own boat.
Taking responsibility is like being child #1 and knowing that the reason she does not have her grey pants has very little to do with child #2 or #3 or even #4, but everything to do with her decision to watch TV and play instead of working on her laundry. She knows that each week she get one day to complete her laundry so that she has plenty of clothes to choose from during the week. Yet, to point that fact out brings a great amount of resistance into the picture. Now, she has to see that, yes, she loaned her pants out (mistake #1), and she did not retrieve them soon enough before Child #3 loaned them to Child #2 (mistake #2). The focus was on where the pants were instead of simply being able to go to the closet and ( since in a perfect world, her laundry would have been done) she could just pull them off the hanger and put them on (mistake#3).
So, what is the point? Maybe you do not have grey pants or a boat for that matter, but we all have responsibilities that we delegate off to other people. We do not manage those responsibilities and therefore we do not see the need to take responsibility when things do not work out the way that we hope they will. We try and create a hierarchy of blame that just goes on and on until we do what is right and stop the madness! Take ownership of your life, do not place blame on other people for decisions that they have made on your behalf that did not work out the way that you would like them to. Delegate, but delegate responsibly. And for goodness sake... do your laundry!
"Where are my grey pants?" (Child #1)
"Child #2 borrowed them last." (Child #3)
"NO! Child #3 wore them after I did (unlaundered of course, after all these are 7th graders)." (Child #2)
"That is SOOOOO not true! I put them on the floor right over there by the big pile of other clothes that I have not washed in two weeks and do not foresee the washing of them for several more weeks as they do not smell just yet. (Some of that last part was a combination of artistic expression and parental angst) (Child #3)
"Hey! I'll bet Child #4 took them!" (Child #1)
"Yes! I think I saw her wearing them after I did and Child #3." (Child #2)
"Yep! That is true, I saw her wearing them. MOMMMMMM!" (Child #3)
"What's going on?" (Mom)
The very important story unfolds with much frustration and indignation towards child #4.
"Well, let's ask child #4. Where is child #4?" (Mom)
"Oh, she is still in bed." (Child #1)
Of course the alarm has been going off and said child #4 is still in bed 30 minutes after she should be up.
So, that was quite the intro to "Taking Responsibility" and you might be asking yourself "What does a pair of grey size 1 pants have to do with me?" Nothing. It really has nothing to do with you, it is just a representation of the origination of our own inability to take responsibility for our own stuff. If you substitute cream boots or a curling iron, you will have the Grisham/Andrews household 25 years ago. Responsibility and taking ownership of your stuff is a really hard lesson to face and one that many people just have not learned. However, I can remember from a very young age having this lesson repeated time and time again. I have lost much to my inability to take responsibility for my actions, words and... well things I am responsible for.
As a business owner we have a whole lot of responsibilities, sometimes too many to handle. At times I feel as though I am in a boat with my husband and as soon as one leak is fixed there is another one and then another one until one of us is bailing water while the other is working to fix the leak. We find this in both business and family responsibilities. You look ahead on the horizon and you cannot even see land in the far distance. So, you have a choice, stop working, stop trying, and just sink. Or, you can keep trying, row when you can, bail out the waters of life when you need to and pray like anything what you have in your boat is enough to fix the leak. But never think for a moment that you are not responsible for your own boat.
Taking responsibility is like being child #1 and knowing that the reason she does not have her grey pants has very little to do with child #2 or #3 or even #4, but everything to do with her decision to watch TV and play instead of working on her laundry. She knows that each week she get one day to complete her laundry so that she has plenty of clothes to choose from during the week. Yet, to point that fact out brings a great amount of resistance into the picture. Now, she has to see that, yes, she loaned her pants out (mistake #1), and she did not retrieve them soon enough before Child #3 loaned them to Child #2 (mistake #2). The focus was on where the pants were instead of simply being able to go to the closet and ( since in a perfect world, her laundry would have been done) she could just pull them off the hanger and put them on (mistake#3).
So, what is the point? Maybe you do not have grey pants or a boat for that matter, but we all have responsibilities that we delegate off to other people. We do not manage those responsibilities and therefore we do not see the need to take responsibility when things do not work out the way that we hope they will. We try and create a hierarchy of blame that just goes on and on until we do what is right and stop the madness! Take ownership of your life, do not place blame on other people for decisions that they have made on your behalf that did not work out the way that you would like them to. Delegate, but delegate responsibly. And for goodness sake... do your laundry!
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Happiness is a Journey...Not the Destination
Happiness is the journey, not the destination. There is never a "happinesstown" in life. Many people desire to go to this magical place where everyone is nice and nobody at work rains on your parade. Where you always have more than enough money to pay your very meager list of bills. Where the love of your life wakes you to a song that inspires rodents and birds to create your dress for the day. This is a fictional place that (and if you are waiting to arrive there) you will miss out on the true happiness of life.
I have had a lot of people use happiness as an excuse for their inability to follow through with commitments, to severe relationships, to steal and pilfer from people they say they love. I have seen the search for happiness destroy marriages, severe ties between siblings and other family. I have seen this evasive pursuit hurt so many people that I need to set the record straight! Just as there are not unicorns in my field or pots of gold at the end of a rainbow, there is not a place called "happinesstown".
Now that I have completely destroyed any and all perceptions of this "happiness" place, Happiness IS a JOURNEY. You can have happiness right now! Isn't that amazing? You can wake up today, see your coffee running all over the counter and on to the floor. You can fight with your child and open bill after bill you cannot possibly afford to pay. You can be embroiled in an ugly custody battle that looks bleak and sad. You can have pain from life and pain in your body. You can have all of these things and have happiness. Because happinesstown lies in YOU!
You get to determine the day you want to have. You can decide to find joy and peace, the products of happiness, even in your appliances breaking, your children attacking you, bill collectors hot on your trail. You can stand strong, look at what you DO have and see the good in that. Look out your living room window? What do you see? Be grateful that you have a living room window to look out of. So what if your child did not clean their room or make their bed this morning, even when you have gone over what is expected day after day. Is your child involved in drugs? Are they attending school? Do they say that they love you? Is your child alive? Are YOU alive?
There is enough to worry about in life that will try to destroy your peace and your joy. There is enough in this world that can bring pain and sorrow. Don't let it be an unrealistic view of what happiness is. Take happiness right here and right now with all that you have and all that you have to give. Because happiness is a journey and not a destination.
I have had a lot of people use happiness as an excuse for their inability to follow through with commitments, to severe relationships, to steal and pilfer from people they say they love. I have seen the search for happiness destroy marriages, severe ties between siblings and other family. I have seen this evasive pursuit hurt so many people that I need to set the record straight! Just as there are not unicorns in my field or pots of gold at the end of a rainbow, there is not a place called "happinesstown".
Now that I have completely destroyed any and all perceptions of this "happiness" place, Happiness IS a JOURNEY. You can have happiness right now! Isn't that amazing? You can wake up today, see your coffee running all over the counter and on to the floor. You can fight with your child and open bill after bill you cannot possibly afford to pay. You can be embroiled in an ugly custody battle that looks bleak and sad. You can have pain from life and pain in your body. You can have all of these things and have happiness. Because happinesstown lies in YOU!
You get to determine the day you want to have. You can decide to find joy and peace, the products of happiness, even in your appliances breaking, your children attacking you, bill collectors hot on your trail. You can stand strong, look at what you DO have and see the good in that. Look out your living room window? What do you see? Be grateful that you have a living room window to look out of. So what if your child did not clean their room or make their bed this morning, even when you have gone over what is expected day after day. Is your child involved in drugs? Are they attending school? Do they say that they love you? Is your child alive? Are YOU alive?
There is enough to worry about in life that will try to destroy your peace and your joy. There is enough in this world that can bring pain and sorrow. Don't let it be an unrealistic view of what happiness is. Take happiness right here and right now with all that you have and all that you have to give. Because happiness is a journey and not a destination.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Mistakes Happen
Have you ever made a mistake that you wish you could just turn back the clock and get a do-over for the day? This mistake causes you to even question the reason you opened your eyes that morning and crawled out of bed. You should have known it was going to be "THE GREATEST MISTAKE " day. The clue might have been when your coffee maker takes that morning to break and you find coffee running all over the counter. When you child decides to take THIS morning to challenge your perfect parenting skills, and your dog runs off into the woods. There would of course be several "800" number calls asking for your time or money and you simply cannot deal with one more thing. Then "WHAM" it happens... the greatest mistake of your life.
Mistakes happen all the time. Little ones and big ones. In business these mistakes can mean the difference between securing business or loosing business. They can be so huge that there are enormous consequences to face, but I believe that the HUGE mistakes come from letting the smaller mistakes take a life of their own. You let a small bookkeeping error pass, or omit a small seemingly insignificant bit of knowledge from someone who should be made aware. You forget an appointment and blame it on someone or something else. In fact, your little mistakes can grow into medium mistakes and then into larger and larger until they are so big that you can't see the other side of it.
Mistakes can happen to anyone, it is what you do with the mistake that matters. You can take the mistake tuck it deep into your heart, make it a reason to exact revenge from all those involved in the dreaded event. You can talk incessantly about it, growing the mistake to unimaginable proportions. You can use the mistake to hurt yourself or other people, maybe even some that were not ever involved. Life could take a turn that you never thought or dreamed possible. This mistake could determine the course of your while life and you could choose to become defined by its unlimited destruction. Or, you could let yourself off the hook.
Does letting yourself off the hook require you to forget it ever happened? Does it allow you to not take responsibility for the mistake? Well, that I guess depends on you. If you have the ability to forgive, truly forgive then you can move past your offence. But moving on means facing the consequences and I believe this is the part that most of us struggle with the most. We can forgive ourselves, or at least tell ourselves we have been forgiven, but without facing up to the person or situation, true forgiveness is impossible. Does it have to happen all at once like a huge tidal wave of regret and remorse? I do not believe this to be true. You can face the pain, face the mistake, make a plan to face those involved, and then work a little at a time. The forgiveness will come... in time.
Mistakes happen all the time. Little ones and big ones. In business these mistakes can mean the difference between securing business or loosing business. They can be so huge that there are enormous consequences to face, but I believe that the HUGE mistakes come from letting the smaller mistakes take a life of their own. You let a small bookkeeping error pass, or omit a small seemingly insignificant bit of knowledge from someone who should be made aware. You forget an appointment and blame it on someone or something else. In fact, your little mistakes can grow into medium mistakes and then into larger and larger until they are so big that you can't see the other side of it.
Mistakes can happen to anyone, it is what you do with the mistake that matters. You can take the mistake tuck it deep into your heart, make it a reason to exact revenge from all those involved in the dreaded event. You can talk incessantly about it, growing the mistake to unimaginable proportions. You can use the mistake to hurt yourself or other people, maybe even some that were not ever involved. Life could take a turn that you never thought or dreamed possible. This mistake could determine the course of your while life and you could choose to become defined by its unlimited destruction. Or, you could let yourself off the hook.
Does letting yourself off the hook require you to forget it ever happened? Does it allow you to not take responsibility for the mistake? Well, that I guess depends on you. If you have the ability to forgive, truly forgive then you can move past your offence. But moving on means facing the consequences and I believe this is the part that most of us struggle with the most. We can forgive ourselves, or at least tell ourselves we have been forgiven, but without facing up to the person or situation, true forgiveness is impossible. Does it have to happen all at once like a huge tidal wave of regret and remorse? I do not believe this to be true. You can face the pain, face the mistake, make a plan to face those involved, and then work a little at a time. The forgiveness will come... in time.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Is Patience A Virtue? And Is Patience Worth It?
I have heard over the years that "patience is a virtue". When I wanted something that I was not prepared to have..."patience is a virtue". When I tried to achieve something I could not..."patience is a virtue." This saying seems to be a panacea for all the loss, the regret, dreams that have died and focus that has gone astray. Is patience truly a virtue?
I have said this to my husband, to my children, to my friends, and even my clients. " You need to be patient. What you desire will come to you in time." What I have failed to add to this and others have failed to tell me, is that patience is expensive. It requires something to achieve it. That something can be a part of yourself, or your business, your finances and even friendship. Sometimes what you need to do is greater then what someone else can pay for. Is patience worth it?
Well, I guess that depends on what the cost is for you. Are you willing to pay the cost for patience? I personally have issues with this area of life. I want patience, I strive for patience, I have even *gulp* prayed for patience, but it seems to be an enigma that eludes me regularly. I am more patient since I have become an older adult ( I refuse to day the F word), however, it is still a struggle. I have lost a whole lot in the waiting game, but I have also gained too. I am still in the waiting game right now. Waiting for my marriage to go the distance, for my business to stretch to the next level, for some of my relationships to mend or be severed for good. But all in all... I desire patience. Why? Because I need it in my life to achieve my dreams. To stay focused and not stop right in front of the finish line. So, today... decide for yourself... Is patience a virtue? And is patience worth it.
I have said this to my husband, to my children, to my friends, and even my clients. " You need to be patient. What you desire will come to you in time." What I have failed to add to this and others have failed to tell me, is that patience is expensive. It requires something to achieve it. That something can be a part of yourself, or your business, your finances and even friendship. Sometimes what you need to do is greater then what someone else can pay for. Is patience worth it?
Well, I guess that depends on what the cost is for you. Are you willing to pay the cost for patience? I personally have issues with this area of life. I want patience, I strive for patience, I have even *gulp* prayed for patience, but it seems to be an enigma that eludes me regularly. I am more patient since I have become an older adult ( I refuse to day the F word), however, it is still a struggle. I have lost a whole lot in the waiting game, but I have also gained too. I am still in the waiting game right now. Waiting for my marriage to go the distance, for my business to stretch to the next level, for some of my relationships to mend or be severed for good. But all in all... I desire patience. Why? Because I need it in my life to achieve my dreams. To stay focused and not stop right in front of the finish line. So, today... decide for yourself... Is patience a virtue? And is patience worth it.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Your Market Speaks...Are You Listening?
Most people feel that they are listening, but are they really hearing what is being said? In life or in business we have lots of people who come into our lives. We have a lot to SAY to these people but we really don't HEAR them. They speak, they tell us all that they need, however, we anticipate our next response instead of hearing their needs. Then when their needs require action, an action we have not really thought much about, being caught up in our own thought, we miss the opportunity to build the relationship. Without the relationship, we cannot close the sale.
Anyone who knows me knows how much I loath shopping. I don't just "not like it". I actually hate it. It isn't because I have had babies and never recovered completely, because I hated shopping before I was ever pregnant. To be honest, I am not even sure when I decided to hate it. However, I have a best friend, Joyce, who LOVES it. So, when Joyce and I are going to spend a day shopping, Joyce goes ahead of me and picks out clothes that flatter my shape and coloring and all in my current size. Joyce picks through the millions of sales racks and find the perfect gems to add to my wardrobe. Joyce knows that in my career, marketing, the most important impression is the first 30 seconds, so the right clothes for the right target market is essential. I know this. I know that the shopping trips are inevitable. But I still have the small matter of my aversion to shopping. How do I solve this? I don't. My best friend does. She listens to me. She listens and she hears me. She put in an extra effort and makes our shopping trips incredibly fun for both of us.
So, why is listening important in marketing? Why is actually hearing someone important in business? Hearing someone is actively listening to them. Fitting the need is the most important part of a sale, but knowing and anticipating the need because you listened... really listened to your target market is the key. It will bring more referrals, more sales, more success in networking. People like to talk and people like to be heard, but not many people really like to listen, really listen. So, what about you? Do you listen? Are you hearing what your target market has to say OR do you simply focus on what your target market will hear YOU say?
Anyone who knows me knows how much I loath shopping. I don't just "not like it". I actually hate it. It isn't because I have had babies and never recovered completely, because I hated shopping before I was ever pregnant. To be honest, I am not even sure when I decided to hate it. However, I have a best friend, Joyce, who LOVES it. So, when Joyce and I are going to spend a day shopping, Joyce goes ahead of me and picks out clothes that flatter my shape and coloring and all in my current size. Joyce picks through the millions of sales racks and find the perfect gems to add to my wardrobe. Joyce knows that in my career, marketing, the most important impression is the first 30 seconds, so the right clothes for the right target market is essential. I know this. I know that the shopping trips are inevitable. But I still have the small matter of my aversion to shopping. How do I solve this? I don't. My best friend does. She listens to me. She listens and she hears me. She put in an extra effort and makes our shopping trips incredibly fun for both of us.
So, why is listening important in marketing? Why is actually hearing someone important in business? Hearing someone is actively listening to them. Fitting the need is the most important part of a sale, but knowing and anticipating the need because you listened... really listened to your target market is the key. It will bring more referrals, more sales, more success in networking. People like to talk and people like to be heard, but not many people really like to listen, really listen. So, what about you? Do you listen? Are you hearing what your target market has to say OR do you simply focus on what your target market will hear YOU say?
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Being the Mommy
I always knew that someday I would be the mommy. I loved to play with my dolls and even dressed my puppy, and my cat up as babies and pretend they were my children. Then as I grew and my mom had more children, I got the real picture of what being the mommy meant. I knew that although I really wanted to be the mommy, that there was a whole lot that went into the job. I watched friends make the mistake of becoming mommies too early, and truthfully, even though I was into my early 20's and married a few years before I become one, I could have taken a little bit more time to grow up. But life being as it is , hindsight is 20/20 and I find myself... being... the mommy.
Don't get me wrong... my favorite job right now in this life I am living is being the mommy. However, time moves at such a rapid speed, I feel at times like this life is moving way to fast. I have blinked my eyes and I now have a 20 year old, an 18 year old, and a 13 year old. I have been the mommy for 21 years. Some of my friends say that I am really good at being the mommy. I look at the accomplishments my daughters have faced so far, and I can be proud of my influence in their lives. However, there is always that nagging spot in the back of my mind that I could have done more... that I should have done better... that I am not doing enough.
I think the more I look at this picture close up and take in each little faction, I feel this frustration within myself. It is when I bring these feelings to God my Father that I am able to take a step back and see the beauty of what I have been a part of. The beauty of my daughters and the delight that their lives have brought to me. I can see the dark parts, and the light parts and the in between colors that paint the canvas of motherhood with such beauty. If I hold my hand up to the darkness and see only the light, the intensity of this picture is lost. It take all the part of motherhood to create a masterpiece. And I have had the privilege of being a part of three such paintings.
I have three beautiful daughters, Mariah Lynn, Kasaundra Arleta and Serena Cherish. Life has not always had just the light colors and life has not been all dark either. It has been an honor painting on their canvases... of being the mommy.
Don't get me wrong... my favorite job right now in this life I am living is being the mommy. However, time moves at such a rapid speed, I feel at times like this life is moving way to fast. I have blinked my eyes and I now have a 20 year old, an 18 year old, and a 13 year old. I have been the mommy for 21 years. Some of my friends say that I am really good at being the mommy. I look at the accomplishments my daughters have faced so far, and I can be proud of my influence in their lives. However, there is always that nagging spot in the back of my mind that I could have done more... that I should have done better... that I am not doing enough.
I think the more I look at this picture close up and take in each little faction, I feel this frustration within myself. It is when I bring these feelings to God my Father that I am able to take a step back and see the beauty of what I have been a part of. The beauty of my daughters and the delight that their lives have brought to me. I can see the dark parts, and the light parts and the in between colors that paint the canvas of motherhood with such beauty. If I hold my hand up to the darkness and see only the light, the intensity of this picture is lost. It take all the part of motherhood to create a masterpiece. And I have had the privilege of being a part of three such paintings.
I have three beautiful daughters, Mariah Lynn, Kasaundra Arleta and Serena Cherish. Life has not always had just the light colors and life has not been all dark either. It has been an honor painting on their canvases... of being the mommy.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
To Mom With Love
Each child has their own space in their mother's heart, but each mom has one very special spot in their child's heart. My mom was my rock, she was my center, she was my cheerleader and my friend. Right after she went home to Jesus I wrote her a letter to tell her everything that was left in my heart to say to her. I am going to post this in my blog today. The hope that I have in doing this is that each one of you will remember that spot your mom has and tell her all your heart has to say to her every day as you think them. When death is eminent your mind goes numb and all that you want to say seems to be trapped in the horror and grief on the moment. Then sometime afterwards when the memorial service is finished and reality settles in, you begin to feel the impact of what has happened. The unspoken words start to unravel themselves and you feel the pain of regret. This happens in the best of relationships and the worst. So don't hesitate!
Mama,
You were an amazing mama. I loved so much about you. I loved
your banana bread. I loved that you used a light eyeshadow on the very top of
your eyelids that made your blue eyes so incredibly beautiful. I loved that no
matter how old I was I always felt so comfortable cuddling in your arms and
could always sleep so well tucked under your arm in your bed. Even in your
hospital bed. I loved that you kept such a cozy and comfortable home for me. No
matter how many houses we had, we only had one home and that was wherever you
were. I loved that you were proud of my singing and that I learned that Tanya
Tucker song to sing for all your bible study girls. You were pink in the cheeks
but your eyes gleamed in a shared little snicker when I sang about “ How I wish
I knew the man a little better that turned my mama on.” You were amazing.
You took care of five daughters and kept a home for all of
us. You made memories that we all have that we will never forget. Christmas was
your favorite holiday and so you made it mine. Not because there were so many
gifts under the tree, but because there
was always one very special one that you knew would light up our eyes. You
listened. To be fair there were the strange pj’s and funky sweaters too, but
you were there and that is what mattered. You put us girls first. You
sacrificed.
Mama, I loved that you took care of your mama and even kept a
journal of her death dance. You were such a strong mama when your own mama
died. I always thought that Nana was the most important person in my life.
Although she was up there, you were the most important and I wish you knew that
before you died. I felt honored to take care of you and give to you your very
last shower before you passed away. I always thought it would creep me out, but
I loved you so much it made me happy to care for you and put clean pj’s on you.
I helped you brush your teeth and put lotion on your very sore scalp. You said
it made it feel better.
I miss you mama. I want to say to you right now that I miss
you. If I could have any wish answered it would be to go back to June and have
the doctor say it was a false alarm and that you really didn’t have leukemia. I
would come for the summer anyways and we would go for long walks on the beach.
We would go to the lake, go camping and enjoy just watching the sun set
together. This is what I would ask for. I would like to think I wouldn’t argue
with you anymore. I would like to think I would listen to all your advise and
give to you all that I had to give. You were the best mama I could ever hope
and pray for because for my whole life you loved me.
I love you,
You daughter Shannon
Friday, May 11, 2012
Procrastination... the Dream Killer
Procrastination is death to dreams. Dreams come and they present themselves to us in many ways. Take the dream of graduating from high school or college. You attend school, you get involved in activities at school. Then comes the hard part... the homework and the projects. You have a responsibility to your teachers, to your fellow students, to your parents, but more importantly... to yourself. However, you bumble along, do your homework at the last minute, procrastinate...procrastinate. All of the sudden, you aren't going to graduate unless you kick it into HIGH gear. Unfortunately you cannot work at that speed because you have not worked really at any particular speed at all. You are educationally flabby. So... due to YOUR procrastination you do not get to graduate with your class. You do not get to have that moment when everything stands still and the reality of your accomplishment sinks in. When you look at your parents in the audience and see the tears of joy running down and over your father's beard and your mother is just a puddle on the chair. Your younger sisters and brothers are looking at you with such awe and dream of the time when they will walk across the stage in a unflattering gown wearing a hat that needs an entire package of bobby pins to stay on. Dreams...need action.
What is the point of this? Well... procrastination follows you through life. It follows you into your marriage and then into your divorce. As a procrastinator you put off the good things in life too. Like telling people that you love them and treating them as though they are the most important part of your life. You put off telling your kids how wonderful they are and then watch them leave the house, calling you only when they need something from you.
Procrastination can follow you into business too. You will put off answering that e-mail or making that important follow up phone call. You will put off putting an important report together until the last minute and then deliver to a client a mess of mistakes. There are a lot of excuses for procrastination. Some of them even make sense. But at the end of the day, it is still procrastination.
If you begin this destructive cycle it is like crawling across glass to change your patterns. Can it be done? Can you change from a person who procrastinates to a person who dreams good dreams and then achieves them? Absolutely! What does it take to do this? Dreams...need...action!
www.delphiscreative.com
What is the point of this? Well... procrastination follows you through life. It follows you into your marriage and then into your divorce. As a procrastinator you put off the good things in life too. Like telling people that you love them and treating them as though they are the most important part of your life. You put off telling your kids how wonderful they are and then watch them leave the house, calling you only when they need something from you.
Procrastination can follow you into business too. You will put off answering that e-mail or making that important follow up phone call. You will put off putting an important report together until the last minute and then deliver to a client a mess of mistakes. There are a lot of excuses for procrastination. Some of them even make sense. But at the end of the day, it is still procrastination.
If you begin this destructive cycle it is like crawling across glass to change your patterns. Can it be done? Can you change from a person who procrastinates to a person who dreams good dreams and then achieves them? Absolutely! What does it take to do this? Dreams...need...action!
www.delphiscreative.com
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Attitude Matters?
The question that haunts my house on any given day is this one.... "attitude matters?" This is seen in the numerous sighs of angst when the rules are pushed and the law is questioned. Or when an event is put off or cancelled due to important work being abandoned with all the time wasted on stomping and door slamming.... ( the hazzards of three 7th graders in one house). In our house attitude determines everything.
It is the same in our business. If we have an attitude towards a prospect or client that is positive, we will most likely have a positive outcome from that meeting or phone call. If we have a good attitude towards people in general then we become the gift giver instead of the time waster. People look forward to meeting with someone they know will bring a good attitude with them.
So I guess the question is... what kind of attitude are you going to bring to your life and to your business today? Will you be a gift giver or a time waster?
It is the same in our business. If we have an attitude towards a prospect or client that is positive, we will most likely have a positive outcome from that meeting or phone call. If we have a good attitude towards people in general then we become the gift giver instead of the time waster. People look forward to meeting with someone they know will bring a good attitude with them.
So I guess the question is... what kind of attitude are you going to bring to your life and to your business today? Will you be a gift giver or a time waster?
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Influential? Or Influenced.
Someone wise once said to me "In life you have a choice... you can either be influenced or be influential." It was probably my mom, she pretty much had the corner market on euphemisms. However, to be truthful... I can't remember...not the point. Anyhoo... That is a pretty substantial statement. To think it through would mean to examine all aspects of life.
Who are my friends... not the ones that I have around to prove something to someone, but who really have my back? Who can I call at 0am or o'dark thirty and know that they will not hang up the phone or tell me "this is really not a good time." Am I that to anyone else?
What are the activities that I spend my life doing? Are they building anything? Anyone? Or are they destructive to anything? Anyone? Do they bring any intrinsic value to me or my family at all?
Where are my priorities? Are they legacy building? Do they increase the love in my family or are they love suckers? What do I DO all day long? Am I loving my husband like he desires to be loved or my children like they need to be? Who's cup am I pouring my life into?
It is not my belief or desire to have a whole parcel of time sucking friends. It is not my desire to spend every last moment of life on everyone else in my life, but all of these questions lead me to wonder if what I am doing in this life matters to anyone else but me. Once my time in the business world is over, my time raising my family is done, and I breathe my last breath of life, what have I left behind? Was I influential? Or was I influenced?
Who are my friends... not the ones that I have around to prove something to someone, but who really have my back? Who can I call at 0am or o'dark thirty and know that they will not hang up the phone or tell me "this is really not a good time." Am I that to anyone else?
What are the activities that I spend my life doing? Are they building anything? Anyone? Or are they destructive to anything? Anyone? Do they bring any intrinsic value to me or my family at all?
Where are my priorities? Are they legacy building? Do they increase the love in my family or are they love suckers? What do I DO all day long? Am I loving my husband like he desires to be loved or my children like they need to be? Who's cup am I pouring my life into?
It is not my belief or desire to have a whole parcel of time sucking friends. It is not my desire to spend every last moment of life on everyone else in my life, but all of these questions lead me to wonder if what I am doing in this life matters to anyone else but me. Once my time in the business world is over, my time raising my family is done, and I breathe my last breath of life, what have I left behind? Was I influential? Or was I influenced?
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
What is right?
What's right? In business is it right to keep your word. In advertising it is right to persuade people to desire your products and services... even if they don't really need what you have to give them. In marketing what is right? If you are spending your time marketing your company, it would seem to be that keeping your word is important. It is important to connect with your prospects in an honest way too. Do you have what they need? If not, do you know someone who does?
Marketing is an art in communication. It is an amalgam of different mediums created to bring you to your target client... the one who you CAN keep your word to. The one who your products and services ARE needed. How do you get to this target? By planning, by understanding who you are targeting. By communicating. By listening twice as much as you talk. By keeping your word. So... what is right? When you know who your target market is... you will know what is right.
Marketing is an art in communication. It is an amalgam of different mediums created to bring you to your target client... the one who you CAN keep your word to. The one who your products and services ARE needed. How do you get to this target? By planning, by understanding who you are targeting. By communicating. By listening twice as much as you talk. By keeping your word. So... what is right? When you know who your target market is... you will know what is right.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Marketing Monday
Today is Monday.... Marketing Monday to be exact. Interesting that my devotions today would say that God placed me in this postition as a business owner. My title may be C.E.O, but if I run my business the way God says to run it, HE is the CEO and I am his executive assistant. You might be asking yourself.... what does any of this have to do with Marketing Monday?
This is how it all ties together. If I remember that God is the CEO and I am the assistant, then I will listen to God telling me WHO I need to call and WHAT I need to do. He will direct my path and bring only people into my life that need and want what He has to give to them through me. So, Marketing Monday is really a treasure hunt. So who am I going to give God's treasure to today? Why YOU of course!
This is how it all ties together. If I remember that God is the CEO and I am the assistant, then I will listen to God telling me WHO I need to call and WHAT I need to do. He will direct my path and bring only people into my life that need and want what He has to give to them through me. So, Marketing Monday is really a treasure hunt. So who am I going to give God's treasure to today? Why YOU of course!
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Sheep Bite
I usually love Sundays. I love going to church.... the worship service... the teaching and the fellowship afterwards. The love that flows from brother to sister is intoxicating, unless it isn't there... then church can feel toxic. Almost like being smothered. Someone once said to me that church is where sheep go and sheep bite.
What do I think about all of this? Well, I think I have a decision that I can make. I can allow the sheep to bite me and then feel all the pain from their attacks. I could wallow in the aftermath of the attacks and then make sure everyone who knows and loves me knows about the attacks. I could internalize those attacks and then attack other people. Making SURE that the world has the REAL picture of the sheep that attend church.
Or, I could run after the Father, the Shepard with my pain. I could show Him the wounds and I could let Him clean them, and bind them. I could tell Him all about my feelings and get out all of my anger. I could let Him pull me into His arms, tuck my head into His chest and breathe in His essence. I could take the moments of love that He gives to me and make sure that the WORLD has the real PICTURE of what a CHILD of the living GOD looks like.
I am a child of the living GOD. What do I choose? Hopefully you can see from my picture.
What do I think about all of this? Well, I think I have a decision that I can make. I can allow the sheep to bite me and then feel all the pain from their attacks. I could wallow in the aftermath of the attacks and then make sure everyone who knows and loves me knows about the attacks. I could internalize those attacks and then attack other people. Making SURE that the world has the REAL picture of the sheep that attend church.
Or, I could run after the Father, the Shepard with my pain. I could show Him the wounds and I could let Him clean them, and bind them. I could tell Him all about my feelings and get out all of my anger. I could let Him pull me into His arms, tuck my head into His chest and breathe in His essence. I could take the moments of love that He gives to me and make sure that the WORLD has the real PICTURE of what a CHILD of the living GOD looks like.
I am a child of the living GOD. What do I choose? Hopefully you can see from my picture.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Changes
Today is Saturday. What do I feel like doing? Not what I am actually doing....
How many times do we do this thing? We make plans, we look forward to the plans. Those plans can be cleaning the basement or working in the yard or going to an event. Yet when it comes to the time to do what we planned, the plans change. We have 2 choices....
Choice #1: Fight against the change. Make it someone elses fault that there is a change and everyone around you angry that your plans changed because you are making their lives so miserable.
Choice #2: Go with it! Embrace the change. Find ways to enjoy the change, find positive feelings towards the change. You do not have to LOVE the change but you can certainly love the change in your attitude towards change.
So, my life is changing yet again. Things are not going how I wish them to go, but I could hate the change or I could embrace it.
I chose the latter....
How many times do we do this thing? We make plans, we look forward to the plans. Those plans can be cleaning the basement or working in the yard or going to an event. Yet when it comes to the time to do what we planned, the plans change. We have 2 choices....
Choice #1: Fight against the change. Make it someone elses fault that there is a change and everyone around you angry that your plans changed because you are making their lives so miserable.
Choice #2: Go with it! Embrace the change. Find ways to enjoy the change, find positive feelings towards the change. You do not have to LOVE the change but you can certainly love the change in your attitude towards change.
So, my life is changing yet again. Things are not going how I wish them to go, but I could hate the change or I could embrace it.
I chose the latter....
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