Being the Mommy

I always knew that someday I would be the mommy. I loved to play with my dolls and even dressed my puppy, and my cat up as babies and pretend they were my children. Then as I grew and my mom had more children, I got the real picture of what being the mommy meant. I knew that although I really wanted to be the mommy, that there was a whole lot that went into the job. I watched friends make the mistake of becoming mommies too early, and truthfully, even though I was into my early 20's and married a few years before I become one, I could have taken a little bit more time to grow up. But life being as it is , hindsight is 20/20 and I find myself... being... the mommy.

Don't get me wrong... my favorite job right now in this life I am living is being the mommy. However, time moves at such a rapid speed, I feel at times like this life is moving way to fast. I have blinked my eyes and I now have a 20 year old, an 18 year old, and a 13 year old. I have been the mommy for 21 years. Some of my friends say that I am really good at being the mommy. I look at the accomplishments my daughters have faced so far, and I can be proud of my influence in their lives. However, there is always that nagging spot in the back of my mind that I could have done more... that I should have done better... that I am not doing enough.

I think the more I look at this picture close up and take in each little faction, I feel this frustration within myself. It is when I bring these feelings to God my Father that I am able to take a step back and see the beauty of what I have been a part of. The beauty of my daughters and the delight that their lives have brought to me. I can see the dark parts, and the light parts and the in between colors that paint the canvas of motherhood with such beauty. If I hold my hand up to the darkness and see only the light, the intensity of this picture is lost. It take all the part of motherhood to create a masterpiece. And I have had the privilege of being a part of three such paintings.

I have three beautiful daughters, Mariah Lynn, Kasaundra Arleta and Serena Cherish. Life has not always had just the light colors and life has not been all dark either. It has been an honor painting on their canvases... of being the mommy.