Changes

Changes happen whether we wish them to or not. It seems that the more I try to control the changes in my life the more my life changes and then changes and then changes. I would like to think that I can just work a little harder to keep to the distractions that come from changes at bay. If I can just schedule the changes or the results from the changes that some how I will be in the "loop" with the change makers. Not so. I couldn't keep my life from imploding with death and divorce. Just as I can't keep my children from growing up and moving away from me or friends from moving on to other relationships. Change happens weather I like it or not. So what CAN I do?

I can be flexible to change. I can be pliable and allow change to have it's way in my life. I can work to foster an environment that allows for change to come in like an old friend and less like an enemy to be avoided at all costs. I can also allow the people in my life permission to make room for their changes too. This is probably the hardest part. It is easy to say, " Hey...I am growing and changing. If you wish to be a part of my life you will accept the changes in me". And less so to say " Hey, I know you are changing as change is as normal as breathing. I give you permission to change, to move away, to have other friends, to work with another company that suits your needs better." We need to allow others to be who change is going to make them.

What do I do if someone in my life is trying to hold onto what I no longer am, who I changed from? We need to be open and honest. Kind but firm with our perception of the changes that are happening in our lives. I find that the more I change the more someone is trying to keep me the same. The same mom, the same wife, the same friend, the same business associate. There is a saying "Some people come into your lives for a reason, some for a season and some for a lifetime." In life we often have to determine who each person is in our lives and that realization can really be painful at times. In order to change in a healthy way where we accept what is happening in our lives, we must perform this duty to ourselves.

However, there are things in life that happen that you simply can never anticipate or ever come back from even remotely the same. I have experienced some real deep cuts in my life and I have bled so deeply that I thought the bleeding would never stop. The good news is that the pain did subside, some may never go away, but the bleeding has stopped. I will never be the same, I know this. Those who truly love me know this. But I would never want to go back to what I was before the pain and the change. I am a new person. I can love wider and deeper. I can understand much more and feel much more. I can empathise and sympathise. I am a new person, I can accept who I am and am more willing to bend to the changes in life.